A Twin Flame connection is often defined by one thing: an instantaneous, intense and magnetic soul resonation.

However for many, despite the heightened emotions and strong longing to connect with a twin flame, the opposite usually happens, and instead of coming together they seem to move further apart.

When we live open-hearted and are highly sensitive, we recognize our twin flame immediately, as they seem familiar and their energy feels like what many describe as home. However, the ultimate twist in this is that the other person often won’t recognize us, or if they do, they are stuck in denial. It can sometimes feel like the closer we move toward our twin flame, the farther they move away.

The reason behind this is not a comfortable pill to swallow, but it is important to know so we can awaken and heal from the aching desire to unite with the person whom our heart craves.

Twin flames are not the same as us—they are our polar opposites. This ignites immense fear, as we are innately terrified of what we don’t fully understand, so we subconsciously attempt to reject it. 

Where one person is open and inviting, the other may be closed and unwelcoming of the energetic bond. Our entire universe is made up of yin and yang opposing energy and we are often pulled toward the opposing side in order to achieve harmony and balance.

The tricky part with this is that our egos play a huge role in resisting these twin flame/yin yang dynamics as we have become conditioned to behave in ways that are limiting, demanding, judgmental, controlling or fearful. Therefore, even though the one who is closed off at the heart center will still feel an undeniable attraction, that attraction may feel chaotic and full of friction as it evokes an array of emotions they are currently unable to manage and process.

We simply will not get close to a twin flame until the barriers within ourselves that were erected at a point when we felt a need to self-protect are finally broken down.

Despite what we may have previously come to believe, when we initially connect with our twin flame we are usually entirely unprepared for the emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of this meeting.

This is because our twin flame projects back at us all the things that we either do not like, do not understand or that we deny, reject, oppress and refuse to accept in our own lives.

Although we often turn a blind eye to the parts we dislike in our twin flame, our subconscious mind is aware and will work tirelessly to attempt to guard our heart by triggering us to behave in ways that cause separation and keep our twin flame out of reach.

The denial of the other person is ultimately a denial of ourselves, because although we may have tried to hide aspects of our personality out of fear that they are hideous and unacceptable, they still exist.

We are often left in total dismay when this happens as in our mind we may have hoped and expected our twin flame would be an identical match, reflecting the same qualities that we have and therefore making us feel validated, worthy and acceptable. If we believe we have inner strength, courage, and confidence, and we feel secure and centered, we hope that our twin flame also reflects these same things back—only then do we feel that we’ve met our match.

Our primal instincts, on an evolutionary scale, encourage us to admire and gravitate toward certain traits and disregard others so that we receive the greatest chance of survival both for ourselves and our offspring. While this was all well and good in the caveman days when we had to fight harsh extremes for daily survival, the things we desire, need and want in today’s world are very different from what we may have desired, needed and wanted thousands of years ago.

It is no wonder we struggle to co-exist harmoniously with a twin flame. We desire and want certain things on one level, but on other levels we are drawn to the qualities our DNA is convincing us that we need in a partner. When it comes to matters of the heart and soul, these expectations can cause us to fail miserably.

Our needs and wants filter down to the same thing—security. Not just on a domestic level, but security within ourselves.

The one who is open-hearted will be desperate to connect on a heart level and pour all their affection and admiration over the person their heart adores. The opposite partner, the closed-hearted one, will accept the outpouring of affection, but it will not hit them in the heart, it instead serves only their egotistical mind. It is no wonder that the longer these two interact, the further away from one another they seem to get.

The ego stands between them and redirects these messages wherever it feels they are best placed in order to “survive.” Therefore, although these two flames are on opposing ends of the scale and feel drawn to explore the connection further, there are subconscious underlying forces pulling them apart.

The more attention and admiration the closed-hearted person receives, the more they feel as though they are above the open-hearted one. The ego convinces them they can forget this connection and instead meet a match who is equal to them on all levels, failing to see that the yin and yang—opposing but balancing qualities—are the exact ones needed for complimentary soul resonation.

The tricky part arrives when the illusions fade, the rose tints are off and the ego steps back. Then we see the situation with clarity:

A twin flame is simply mirroring all the tendencies that we perceive as weak and undesirable.

If we hold disdain for emotionally unavailable types, it is a sure bet that our twin flame will be emotionally unavailable to us. If we despise people who are trapped in their ego, that is the exact manifestation that our twin flame will take on. If we hate people who are arrogant and self-absorbed, yes, our twin flame will project those traits outwardly too.

We may not consciously accept that these characteristics are inherent in our twin flame, as we can become captivated with the image our imagination helped create, but when that illusion is torn down and reality hits, we start to see that our twin flame is not as “perfect” as we may have first believed.

Spiritually we are being asked if we are still willing to keep our heart, that is tempted to close, wide open knowing that the person we placed on a pedestal is simply a human—just like us—with a myriad of perceived and real flaws and faults.

Instead of suppressing our darkness and attempting to only rest in the light, it is essential that we embrace, integrate and balance all of our shades if we want to gain inner peace and receive the chance of connecting with this person.

We often feel compelled to only express the light parts of ourselves due to fear that we will be rejected if anyone sees the broken fragments beneath the surface. However, in our terrified state we are also rejecting ourselves as well as those around us whose dark sides we witness.

The key to a twin flame soul connection is in accepting one another in our entirety and continuing to love regardless of all the imperfections that this person presents to us.

When we are able to love not just others but also ourselves, without conditions, expectations or attachments, we have then reached a heightened form of love. The toughest and most challenging part is maintaining it.

There is a difference between a soul mate and a twin flame. A soul mate is someone we share similarities with, learn from and communicate well with. They are kindred spirits and we can usually co-exist harmoniously with them without being challenged too far outside our comfort zone. These relationships feel natural and comforting and generally flow effortlessly.

A twin flame appears as our opposite incarnation and we learn continuously from the connection regardless of whether we are in close contact with them or not. We usually struggle to co-exist with a twin flame as we are challenged beyond our comfort zone and these challenges trigger our deepest insecurities, beliefs, values, motivations, intentions and feelings.

We learn from a soulmate for our own higher good, but we learn from a twin flame for the higher good of the entire planet and collective evolution. 

Ultimately the twin flame connection is here to teach us about unconditional love and acceptance by showing us whatever we have the most difficulty in loving and accepting within others and ourselves. It is easy to love the qualities that reside in the light, our greatest challenge is also being able to love and accept those that reside in the darkness.

Both halves of the twin flame dynamic will struggle equally to accept the opposing traits of the other person. As much as they feel a bond and are magnetized towards one another, there is also a strong undercurrent repelling and forcing them apart.

When we finally learn to release our past pain, our conditioned beliefs and the trauma that is causing obstacles, we can then begin to truly love and accept ourselves and one another exactly as we are. The undercurrent pulling us away will weaken and we will stop subconsciously resisting the powerful and unique flow of unconditional, limitless love.

Until then, a twin flame connection may feel complicated, frustrating and will likely elude us.

Author: Alex Myles

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Editor: Nicole Cameron