I’ve struggled with prejudice and acceptance my whole life. I think I always will but now I’m more understanding and know it’s just human nature. I know I’m worthy and a good human being regardless of the prejudice and lack of acceptance I’ve experienced throughout my life. People don’t know they are doing it most times. That was quite a profound lesson especially when I realised that included me.

I’ve chosen a title for this article that is quite confronting but not to provoke you and anger you. Once you see where I’m coming from, I hope my perspective will resonate with you.

At some point in my life I figured out prejudice was a mask for hiding fear. And the fear of ‘that what is different’ came from a place of ignorance and possibly a lack of empathy. It’s easier for people to stick to what they know, and safer not to venture out with curiosity on toe exploring the other side.

Most people who have traveled or moved around a lot, understand intellectually that other people are different and different is ok. It’s not right or wrong. But in their gut, in their belly, people don’t feel that open about it. We tend to find comfort and assurance in what we know is the way ‘we’ do things.

My parents were true opposites. And although those opposites attracted at one point, for the most, they were too different to give acceptance to one another. I watched them judge and hate anything that wasn’t of their own. As I was growing up, I had two cultures on my hands with both feeling quite righteous they’ve got it sorted and that’s the way to do things. It has taken me quite a bit of spiritual growth and maturity to see it for what it is – different but not better or worse. The key was self-acceptance and liking the person I was.

I am the eldest of five siblings and we’ve had our share of struggles balancing cultural and religious ideologies to get to a point where we understand who we are. We had two polar opposite cultures defining us and influencing our thoughts and our own little personalities fighting for air – or airtime.

To some people, we were the same and belonged to their tribe or people so we received acceptance. To others, we were different enough to attract curiosity, resentment and judgement. People don’t consciously know they are projecting their resentment or judging unless it’s downright mean. Most of the time its subtle and subconscious. Their minds become limited and hearts are closed off.

What I’ve learned is that we/I wasn’t only on the receiving end of judgement, I had learned to do the same. And up till this life lesson, I thought I was the only one who didn’t judge others. It turns out I was judging people for lacking the knowledge of other cultures, for choosing their comfortable ignorance, and for lacking empathy. But deep down I was just craving acceptance. I learned to have two characters suited for different audiences but as I got older the real me was a big fat messy mishmash of all that culture and person. As I got older people liked me for who I was as a person, which was a mishmash of everything I became growing up in two worlds. Now I’m an adult and writing this, I realise how privileged I am and how confusing it is to others. What has taken me a lifetime and some, is difficult to summarise in a few social interactions for other people.

It’s now clear that the flip side of the prejudice coin is acceptance. If you mess with someone’s sense of normal, you rattle their ability to show you acceptance. If you present people with something different to what they are used to, you bring out one of two things: either their curiosity and openness or disapproval and judgement.

Since the world is dealing with the most explosive multi-cultural mapping it has ever faced, it’s worth asking ourselves if we’re not giving acceptance, showing understanding and feeling curious about the other person, what are we giving. Strip away all the cultural labels, and there is still a lot of human left behind to connect with. In my experience acceptance and empathy are subtle and truly kind.

So, while I think everyone is prejudice sometimes, everyone is human too. Everyone gets uncomfortable from time to time dealing with different, or for being different. With no shadow of a doubt though, everyone craves acceptance. It’s the greatest kindness.