The last few years have been filled with MANY deaths for me, on average, about four a month (which to me seems high) but compared to the bigger reality that according to the World Economic Forum, as of May 2020 about 150,000 people die each day. I am reminded that it isn’t JUST about me. Before I go on, I want to be CRYSTAL CLEAR that I am not trying to tell anyone how to grieve, that process is unique to each individual, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to do it. However as someone that feels VERY deeply, and holds a sanctity for ALL life, as sacred, it is sometimes all too easy to be consumed by deep sadness and pain that at one point could easily have been described as “near-debilitating,” I’ve had to first embrace and learn to appreciate my deep sensitivity, while also learning to navigate it.
Having lost one of my personal Heroes, my Grandfather Eloy Everisto that joined the Marines at 16 to better provide for his family, to Cousins, Benjamin; who served as a second, though not as present Father Figure; My Godmother Juliette, whom I wasn’t close with but REALLY wish I would’ve been. Countless friends, and more recently My Father, whom I had a complicated but definitively love-filled relationship with, I’ve learned that every single loss hits in similar yet different ways. As I started remembering these loved ones “lost” I can recall many more, and if we go back to middle and high school, I realize that my life has been peppered with so many more losses than I could immediately recall, but that even as I think of these people they are alive once more, even if only for a moment, and so they aren’t as lost as I’d only just imagined.
Having been described as a MetaScientist, by an “Actual” Scientist known as a Biologist, I can’t help but think of Physics and the First Law of Thermodynamics which states that, “Energy is neither created nor destroyed.” Albus Dumbledore just popped into my mind (Spolier Alert) when he says to Harry Potter in his recreation of King’s Cross Station, after just sacrificing his life to destroy the big bad Voldermort, “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” And even now I smile as I remember that time not even six months ago when thinking of my Dad, a green (my favorite color) car pulls up next to me at the light with a vanity plate that I kid you not, read HIS nickname for me, Goonie.
If Science has proven that everything IS energy, it could stand to reason that once we “shed our moral coil” our energy is merely no longer contained in what others identified it with (our bodies). If Theologians and people of faith stand to reason, it is still accepted as the “soul”, or “spirit”, which I guess because I am of BOTH mindsets, I can’t help but see as the same. I have had moments when I’ve thought of a loved one “passed” as a song that had meaning for us will come on the radio, or I’ll hear their voice in my head, and I think of Dubledore whispering to me (Still waiting for that job offer by the way, Slytherin for life) “Why on Earth isn’t it real Yolanda? Of course they’re speaking to you in the only way they are able to channel their energy.” If energy is neither created nor destroyed, couldn’t it be possible that this is the energy manifesting itself in the form of communication? I don’t want to get too philosophical but I always wondered about a link between the conscious human brain (deliberate control and creation) while having one when alive, and “lacking” one after death, it would make sense then that our loved ones couldn’t neccesarily control HOW they communicated with us only that they COULD communicate, and what if they NEEDED us to think of them, in order to send the signal for them to “tune” into.
Other types of both Science AND Religion have addressed this in concepts like “ghosts” and “apparations” and Dcience specifically tracks occurrences like EVP and unidentifiable temperature spikes. I find the whole topic quite fascinating. I then think deeper and wonder what more we’ll learn as Science continues to explore in THESE particular ways, along these particular sentiments, and I smile deeper in the knowledge that we, as the living really can’t understand the simplistic but also complex nature of the dead.
So I choose to celebrate LIFE, because we really have no proof that those no longer with us aren’t having an incredible experience. As much as before we came to know them, they were becoming who we would know them as; when we experience the mysteries that come beyond the veil of life as we know it; there is all likelihood that now that we share that experience as well, we’ll be able to catch up on that. One thing I know to be true of those that aren’t with me in this life any longer, they certainly wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad. I’m fairly certain YOUR loved ones wouldn’t want you to be either. While it is absolutely OKAY to do so, I choose to look at Celebrating their life (even in a different form, and even if it is ONLY in memories and stories) as MY way of honoring their legacy. I hope in sharing this, you’re able to help find YOUR WAY of Doing the same for you and yours.