Okay, this won’t be a cheerleading course on how to start loving yourself, because let’s be honest, we’ve all heard that one before. Furthermore, if loving yourself was all that it took to start making better choices when choosing a partner or not acting desperate, then what about the people who still don’t love themselves when they’re already in a relationship?

The clear fact is that love addiction starts when we are forming attachments to our caretakers and if that attachment isn’t secure, then you’re probably headed for a life of trying to get your needs met by looking for attention wherever you can get it, even if it involves some bad behavior.

If you can admit that you are a love addict, then you’re already beginning the healing process. I like to think of exposing the behavior as a way to bring it to the light and what we can see, we can start to heal. Bringing things to the light takes away its power to have control over you because you stop investing all of your energy trying to hide it.

Very simply put, being a love addict is like trying to fill a bottomless pit. You will never be satisfied and you will never stop looking for more attention and approval. In relationships, people with love addiction are hyper-aware of their partner’s actions and words and are constantly looking for a potential red flag because that means that there could be danger up ahead. This is exhausting and will eventually wear both partners down to nothing.

The key is to start saying what you need. Your partner is not a mind reader. If you are single, then be aware of your motives when you are around other people. Are you trying to get approval from others by the things you wear, the car you drive, the job you have, or the way you do your hair? This is the foundation of what is necessary in rewiring your brain to break the habits of codependency.

Finding a way to either communicate clearly or stop repeating old behaviors might seem like child’s play when you think about the monumental damage that love addiction does in a relationship, but it’s these small adjustments and changes that lead to bigger and more beautiful results longterm.

Love addiction is a need for more and more approval, but when you start acting in a way that makes you proud of yourself, then you start to feel that approval from within and that is the biggest shift in breaking unhealthy patterns of behavior. Showing up for your life in a way that you can be proud of is more powerful than hours upon hours of therapy, reading self-help books, and going to the gym all put together.

Once you see yourself as the character in your own play, ask yourself what kind of person you want to be in your life, and then start making small changes that are more in alignment with the person you want to be. We all have an ideal template of how we want to respond to others and texting someone repeatedly when they’ve left you on “read” is not showing up as your best self.

If you can take away one tip from this to start breaking love addiction, then take away the need to feel loved, needed, or approved by anyone. Does this send a shock of panic through your body? This is vital and necessary for change. You are more than enough in your own essence, and showing up with integrity is the key for a fulfilling and delicious life!