The room spins.

I want to see how far I can take it before I pass out.

Not die, just pass out.

I want to see their reactions and gain their sympathy.

I see life through a dusty, dirty and cracked lens. Things are different for me.

I’m up, down, neutral, great, bad, all in one second.

I’m ever-changing, but I don’t change like the trees do. They are graceful and gradual.

The clock of a tree is natural. It tells them exactly when to bloom and when to shed the poor leaves.

My clock ticks three times a second and stays stuck for the next ten. My clock has a harder time than that of the trees. If you can even call it a clock. It is more of a guessing game. The blind leading the blind.

And I am blind. I am so blind to the love I’m given and the care I receive. I am ungrateful and act in spite to the undeserving.

It isn’t what they have done to deserve my ill wishes, it is what I have become. Why would I do wrong to those who love me on purpose? There is something I’m missing.

There is a huge missing link to make sense of me. I have searched my whole life and still search. I don’t think I will ever find it at the bottom of a liquor bottle or on an empty plate of too much food.

I believe my missing link is so much more complicated than that. In fact, there may be several treasures hidden that are the keys to my betterment.

Pray I find them. Even one. Just one piece of the multitude of treasures that make up me.