I know when you hear the word love you also hear the echo leave. That the first man you ever loved walked out on your teenage heart leaving you blindly trying to pick up the pieces, alongside your mum and sisters. Ever since then you have grabbed onto love, not realising the tighter you hold the less there is for you to have.

I want you to understand that love is boundless. That you do not have to worry if it will still be here in the morning, because it will. Commitment isn’t that hard and when they say they love you why not just believe it? Is that so radical of a thought? You know your parents love you. And your sister and all your friends so when he says it too, let it swim through your body. Do not waste your energy on trying to convince your heart it cannot be loved. For it can and it already is. It already is. Even though you love more than anyone else you know, you still keep your big toe out the door. You tell yourself it’s a safety measure, so it won’t hurt so much if they do leave. But my starling, big toe or not it will hurt anyways.

So my love, you can surrender to love.

I want you to let go of this notion that you must love them like they will leave. Instead, I wonder what loving them like they are going to stay feels like?  

I think it would look like a sunflower seed nurtured within the dirt. And in time growing towards the sun. Bright. Beautiful. Secure. Knowing the seasons will come and go but the sunflower never stops being a sunflower. It would be a calm wave of trust. That the universe loves you and so does he. Maybe you wouldn’t feel the need to pour more of yourself than you can give into the little pockets of hope this will convince him you’re enough. Because the simple fact you are you, will always be. Everyday does not need to be a grand adventure because even just that one little I love you each and every day already is. And even within the messiness and rawness of both your hearts I think it would feel peaceful, like you have been called back home.

So this is my challenge to you, love them as if they are going to stay and I am so sure magic will be found in there.

– Payton Olivia W