.

Built upon the cliches, raised watching those white knights and devils in black, saving worlds and people that filled my cup to flowing, that idea of love, adventure it set me ablaze.

I love, love.

I wanna say that I’m not waiting to start living my life until that special someone comes into my life. But, maybe I have been. So lost daydreaming of the things that couldn’t possibly ever come true and those that can. I suppose that the latter was never enough to give up the first.

As I sit here packing up my belongings to set out on another adventure, aka getting relocated to a different apartment. I feel lost in my existence. Over and over again I succeed then fail, never moving anywhere. All these ambitions, and possibilities stand before me and I can’t muster up the courage to step forward.

I want someone to be waiting for me with their hand held out.

It’s been a couple weeks and let me just say what I thought couldn’t get worse most assuredly has! This life of mine has wound itself so tightly I don’t know my up from down.

How long have I been prioritizing other people’s wants and beliefs before my own?

I want someone next to me not just because I want to experience love at its purest form. But because I believe they’ll stand up for me when I can’t manage too.

And that’s BULLSHIT.

It’s time to stop being scared and delusional, it’s time to take the risk and jump no matter what I may hit on my way.

Now does that mean I’m leaving Naco nowhere, moving in with my sister and getting a job that doesn’t require a degree I’ve spent the past five years working for… possibly.

Will my dad think I’m making the stupidest decision on top of thousands of other stupid decisions I’ve made, you betcha!

I need to know what I’m capable of and I don’t think I will until I have to climb my way up on my lonesome.

So here we go…

I’m shitting my pants.