First, I am so sorry this happened and I am very grateful your son is safe and sound.

I am also terribly sorry that Harambe—an amazing yet powerful and unpredictable gentle giant—had to be put down.

This entire incident is truly heartbreaking.

I have to admit when I first heard about this tragedy, I was pissed. Actually, I was downright outraged to learn how a parent could be so irresponsible that a child’s life was put at risk and a caged animal paid the price for it.

I was ready to join that train of people blaming and shaming you. Wanting to take an eye for an eye or at least see you pay for it in some kind of horrific way as if this incident alone wasn’t tragic enough.

You were the topic at my nail salon yesterday. And of course, we all wanted you to answer for this death that has swept the nation. I did, however, have to correct a few folks who only saw half of the video and were given a slightly different perspective than what the onlookers and you had witnessed in its entirety at the zoo.

Even still, I was enraged. I caught myself saying, “That could never be my kid! I am on them like white on rice.”

But in all reality that’s pure and utter bullsh*t!

I am always finding my way through this uncharted territory of parenthood and at times I fumble. The scariest thing we can ever experience is something happening to our children outside of our control, as we pray to any and every God we believe in that they make it out alive.

I can’t imagine the tornado of emotions that must have been racing through your veins to the point that you probably stopped breathing.

In the videos I could hear the pure terror in your voice as you called out to your son. Letting him know you were still there; in all the confusion and what will probably be the most unforgettable moment of your lives, he knew his mom was still there.

I am also sorry that this mistake is now displayed for the world to see and of course they are judging from their seats with opinions of their own forming like the plague. I am ashamed to admit that I was one of them.

When I got my head out of my a** and off my high horse, I could see clearly. I had a change of heart and I wanted to let you know how terribly sorry I am.

I am sorry that I was part of the mob waiting for you to be served your consequences in handcuffs while your already traumatized child watches in even more confusion resulting in nothing but more trauma to overcome.

We all make mistakes as parents; not one of us is perfect. I don’t care what they try to portray.

Mainly I wanted you to know this. You are not alone.

My daughter was about two years old. We were at a child’s birthday party. Everything was going great. The hosts had a stunning pool with a slide that went through a rock cave inside their screened lanai.

It resembled something from an architecture magazine. Even I was star struck, so one can only imagine how the kids felt.

Outside the lanai, there was one of those small plastic pools that is typically placed in the yard; it was filled up with water from the garden hose. This was for the younger children of the group.

I was sitting outside with my two year old daughter until I was called to help with the food.

I told my daughter to stay put and play with the other kids in the kiddie pool for a few minutes. I asked the parent sitting next to me if she would mind keeping an eye on her.

I was in the kitchen when the screaming started.

I realized the screaming was actually the onlookers yelling my name. I ran out in a panic. It was only seconds, but it felt like eternity as I watched my friend’s older sister give my daughter mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, both bodies soaking wet on the concrete patio.

She coughed up the water, and after the panic subsided, she was fine. I, however, will always carry that wound with me.

You see, my daughter was a curious little thing, always too smart for her own good, and way too big for her britches. She wanted to play in the big pool like the big kids and go down the water slide. Listening to her mother has never been a strong suit of her’s, no matter the tone of my voice.

While I was in the house, the other parent looked away for all of two seconds. That’s all my inquisitive two year old needed to find her way into the lanai.

She jumped in the deep end, no swimmies, no flotation device, just her and her bathing suit.

She sank to the bottom like a rock.

If it wasn’t for my friend’s older sister, this could have ended horribly. She was swimming in the deep end when she heard a weird splash. She looked down to see what it was and she realized it was my daughter. She pulled her to safety and immediately started mouth-to-mouth. I am forever grateful for her quick and intuitive decision making.

I can assure you I have never been so terrified in my life nor have I ever felt more hopeless than I did in that very moment. She is 15 now. Alive and kickin’, and still too smart for her own good and too big for her britches but she is alive, just like your son.

This incident will make headlines for a bit longer but please know it does not define you as a parent or person.

I believe with all my heart you are a very loving, giving and good parent. You should not pay for this unforeseen mistake for the rest of your life. Although something tells me it will be one you won’t forget easily, if ever.

I wasn’t there at the zoo, but I am here with you now. I hope this message finds its way to you and you can forgive me. Please be reassured that you have one less person in this world judging you because I, too, am not a perfect parent.

Sending you nothing but my love and support from one mother doing the best she can to another.

~

Author: Jessica Fraine

Editor: Pippa Sorley

Photo: Angela N. Flickr