My Life, My Turn! My journey into my 50’s.

When I was 19 years old I gave birth to a healthy boy and it all began… 

Now, I’m not complaining!  I loved so much of it, and now I value it all.  But that day in September of 1986 my life became about others.  From that day, and for a very long time after, I was in servitude to my love for my family. 

In no time at all I had popped out three more of those precious creatures that I loved so much, despite the amount of energy they took each and every day. My love for them refueled me and gave me the strength to stay home and raise them. I even homeschool them for years.  

As they entered their teens and public school, I discovered work outside of the home. Our lives were filled with many ups and downs. Today, I will tell you that they were worth the pain we endured, to get to the places we all are now.  But that’s just my point of view.  You’d have to ask the kid’s therapist if they feel the same. I’m kind of kidding… 

Long story short, (a long and twisted tale), as I had calculated, when I turned 44 my youngest would be on her own.  What I hadn’t figured in was my parent’s aging.  They were 42 and 35 when I was born.  So, when I was finishing up my “parenting at home” duties, they were in need of care from myself and my sister.  

For the next few years until they both passed, that was my life. I worked a 40-hour week at Nike World Headquarters in Beaverton, Oregon, and helped mom and dad in the evenings and on the weekends.  That time was so precious to me. It took a toll on us all, but I will always cherish each day I had with them then. Dad passed in 2012 and Mom in 2013. 

I could write pages and pages on the world you enter when your parents are gone.  Especially, if they were amazing people, as was my case.  I had never felt so alone. It was a feeling I had never experienced because they were Always there for me.  I tested that until the day they died too.  I guess that was a big part of my loss.  I had completely lost the only people who would love me unconditionally and had shown me that for decades unwaveringly.  Needless to say, this transition into total ownership of my life took a while to sink in. 

By this time, I had one grandson.  Soon I had a granddaughter.  Enter the Grandma role… 

I couldn’t!!  I just couldn’t keep going on living my life for everyone else and not getting some time for just me!  I didn’t know how I was going to do it but I knew I needed to take some time, a lot of time!  For me! 

So, the first trip I took was a Guilt Trip that has lasted until today.  I don’t live there anymore, but I still visit now and then.  Social Programming has told me that I’m being selfish and a bad grandma.  The voices in my head at midnight remind me what a wonderful grandma my mother was and how valuable she was to me when I was raising my kids.  I see my ex mother in law taking up the burden that my absence leaves behind.  She truly loves it and would have it no other way.  

But the voices… 

What happened next was the Universe taking over for me.  My Guides and Angels knew the desires of my heart and the battle I was fighting inside so they gave me a shove. 

My youngest had moved away and was visiting for Christmas.  When she arrived, she wasn’t herself. My “Mother’s Instinct” kicked in.  I asked her how I could help and the next thing I knew I was selling my truck and buying a one-way ticket to Phoenix to be with her.  There’s no greater motivator than one of my kids in need.  It was a no brainer for me, and with that one choice ‘’My Chapter” finally began. With a seemingly sacrificial move from me, my life finally was handed over to me to control as I wished.  At age 49 I had my hands on the steering wheel of my own life, for the very first time. 

When I first left Oregon for Phoenix I believed I’d only be gone a couple of weeks so I packed accordingly.  One suitcase was all I had to start this journey. 

Almost five months later my daughter was in great shape and ready to start her own new chapter.  During that time, I had gotten a job at Home Depot and as a live-in caregiver for a quadriplegic woman on the weekends.  I found out that I can drop into a new town, find work and make friends without much effort.  Okay, the making friends part is not so easy, but the rest was a cinch!  

I was ready to go!  I had spotted an Eco Village in Southern Indiana I felt really drawn to, so I wrote to them… 

Now, it’s time to end this tale, but not my journey. I will say, that I did go live on that Eco Village in Southern Indiana, then I went back to Oregon for ten months working as a bootleg pot pirate, and now I’m on an unofficial spiritual retreat on the North Shore of Kauai. 

Why am I telling you my story?  I think you already know. I want to be a living example that the best stuff happens after the important stuff is taken care of.  Whether you decide your paradise is staying put and being the best Grandma or Grandpa to your future generations. Or if you choose the more selfish way and run!! Just make sure that the second chapter of your life is one that you wrote, and nobody else. 

I ran. I ran like someone had left the gate open…and I will keep running until I fall to the ground, with a smile on my face, from the exhaustion, of a life well lived!! 

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