This excerpt was written after Robin Williams took his life. I’m sure there were many many before him and even more after. Being such an emotional sponge, I cried for him and his family. I cried for Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington. Kate Spade. Anthony Bourdain. There were others whose deaths were undetermined. Seymour Hoffman. Michael Jackson. Prince. I wondered … how we would ever know why? The simple fact is, people leave this planet every single day, and it leaves us who are left behind, well, stunned. The sad thing is, the attention is drawn to celebrities, of course, as our society revolves around entertainment and being rich and famous. There are scores of other ‘regular folks’ who are dealing with depression and anxiety every day of their lives with no help, and no notoriety. I am one of those people. I am The Pretender.
My bosses, co-workers and acquaintances know me as a people-person. An extrovert. A go-getter. That is farther from the truth. I hide my real self and force myself to do things I don’t want to do. Laughingly, I told my daughter, “Too bad there’s not an award for best acting in a pretense role, for I could surely win.”
Most days, I dwell on thoughts of death, how it could be achieved without hurting my family as well as what thoughts were going through the heads of someone like Chris Cornell and Bourdain who seemed to have it all? How did these tragedies occur? Why didn’t someone see the warning signs? The answer is – because we are The Pretenders.
Because these people who left were famous, there has been much attention drawn towards the subjects of opiod addiction and mental health issues. Although it has been going on for such a long time, it seems to be becoming more prevalent. Finally, we as a society, are peering through the looking glass and trying to determine a way to help all people in need. Mental health is spiraling out of control and is as insidious as cancer. I for one, am hoping that more resources will be available for the ill. We are exhausted. We are despondent. We are The Pretenders.
If you feel you are in crisis, please contact The Suicide Prevention Hotline. There is always someone there who is willing to listen.
Kat Carlson
6-25-18
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