Labeling the other side of bullying….

By Lorri Carnevale

I have never told this to anyone but thinks it’s time….When I was a young girl growing up in the 70’s I never thought a group of mean boys/girls would ruin my life…I always thought bullying was done by those bad boys…you know the kind that push around other boys who aren’t in their click or weaker than them…you know for their lunch money….oh how I was wrong…knowing now what I know bullying/labeling has no one gender…..

I was labeled at 12 years old as a slut having no idea what that was because I didn’t even have a boyfriend I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16. I wasn’t allowed to hang out after school in the playground we had to go right home…my dad was that strict…he had 4 girls he was protecting from those “boys” but that didn’t stop them….because it was the girls…..those girls who hung out with those boys and they were the ones doing things but could because they were in the “Cool Group”…

This stigma of being a “slut” followed me  from the 7th through my junior year of high school….up until then I was alone I had no really friends, I never felt comfortable in my own skin or  leaving a room thinking they were talking about me so I avoided doing much of anything….I could never understand why this happened to me I would cry myself to sleep the thought of going anywhere was horrifying and the lack of self-love and self-worth was and at times still is a really issue for me….and being in business this can make putting yourself out there difficult…the trust factor is always hard.…still is….I still keep to myself…not a lot of friends….

Now here is the kicker…one of those bad boys wanted to date me in my junior year of high school I asked him why you ruined by life and now you want to date me…he said and I quote “I am so sorry and I want to make it right” I said it’s seems a little too late for that….so he continued to ask me out he would come to my school, my house, my job until one day I said yes…we dated for  years he was my first real boyfriend and my first love…now this doesn’t me over night I felt good about myself just because I dated him…it still always was in the back of my head why was I labeled the “slut” so I asked him that one day…he said and I was shocked those girls were the “sluts” and you were untouchable, undateable, they were jealous I said but you told them things that weren’t true he said I loved you from 7th grade…my response was so you ruined my life….wow….

Your probably wondering why I am writing this….well there could a girl or boy who shows no outward abuse because it’s verbal … because we need to stop hating….everyone is created different…we all bring something unique to this world….here is something I was told by someone very wise…they said Lorri if all the people are beautiful there would be no beautiful people…

Labeling someone hurts deeper that a slap…it never goes away…you recall those words from your childhood and still cry, yes I am older now much wiser….I see how it has affected me and the things I don’t do…like being more social, attending more shows….you are never really comfortable in your own skin…I am working on it daily and even writing this has helped…

The main thing I want you to remember choose your words kindly…words can cause such deep scars that are on the inside and sometimes never truly heal…

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