When a writer has a book published one of the responsibilities of the author is to write his/her friends, family, colleagues, and pretty much anyone they might, possibly, kinda know, to tell them about their book that has just come out. These letters have a pretty standard form. They summarize the book, exaggerate how awesome it is, and give blurbs from book reviews to prove said awesomeness. Sending out this letter always made me feel like a shill, so this time I decided to try something different. Rather then send a straightforward letter to my friends, etc, I doctored it a bit and sent one version to Sarah Palin’s website and another version to Michelle Bachmann’s website, and bcc’d my entire contact list. Here’s what I sent them:

Dear Mrs. Palin,

I know you’re a voracious reader and I think you might like my new book PARADISE RULES.

It’s about the emotional strain of keeping secrets and telling lies to hide a sexual affair. If you don’t like it, Bristol will. The thing about abstinence is that it makes you horny as hell, and the book is filled with romance. Plus, it’s a paperback, so it can always be rolled up into a thick, hard, cylinder. Drill, baby, drill.

PARADISE RULES explores an older woman’s sexual relationship with a teenage boy (Hellooooo Levi!) in a fashion that is alternately sweet and dark. The prose is as disturbing as “hunting” from a helicopter..!

There’s lots of golf, gambling and sex (Can you say Kennedys? haha), but all the while the novel explores deeper topics (huh?) like forgiveness (such as defending Dr. Laura for using the N-word), family (election props), and faith (see: family), both in oneself and the others around you. If you are looking for the perfect bus tour read, this book (warning: has no pictures) should make you laugh (Alaskan politics), cringe (American politics), and think (you can do it).

The Publisher’s Weekly (effing elite media) review of PARADISE RULES said, “Gleacher brings levity and wit to a coming-of-age tale reminiscent of Caddyshack.”

Booklist’s (liberal media) review said PARADISE RULES is, “A sunny, optimistic breeze of a read.”

And author James Frey (media punching bag) describes the novel as, “Wickedly funny. I think this will be Gleacher’s breakthrough book.”

I hope you get a chance to read PARADISE RULES or at least get a copy for Bristol (no batteries necessary) and if you do I hope you’ll share your thoughts with me either by replying to this letter or by phone (hit me up Anthony Weiner style) and if you have any friends who enjoy fiction (you know: global warming, evolution, the President’s citizenship) please forward them this email (use your secret yahoo account).

PARADISE RULES is available wherever books are sold and you can also order it here at Amazon.

I hope you decide to read the book and that I hear from you soon.

Jimmy Gleacher

p.s.  Please read this out loud on your porch so the Russians can hear it too.

p.p.s. To see the version I sent to Michelle Bachmann go to my blog at Elephant (don’t worry, it’s GOP) Journal.