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Shaming. We say it like it’s a bad thing.

My new book is coming out. Here’s an excerpt.

Truth is, the only shameless people I know are narcissists (cough: Trump).

It’s a virtue to accept some responsibility.

We shoulllld accept some shame. We shoulllld accept some blame.

Too often, in this day and age of social media, we react rigidly to criticism or blame. We return blame with blame, as if it were the proverbial hot potato. “You’re shaming me!” Get away!

But if our aim is to be honest, to grow up, to experience genuine connection and real joy in this life…we’ve got to learn to separate the wheat from the chafe. Separate constructive criticism from the blame. Discern the seed of truth out of the neurosis.

Even in the most trolling of hateful comments, online, we can usually find something to learn from. Even in the most neurotic of klesha attacks from a loved one or colleague, we can usually find something to learn from.

If someone isn’t doing what you want or expect, it may be the fault of your assumptions and expectations and lack of communication—not theirs. If someone is blaming us, they might be 90% wrong—but there’s still 10% we can learn from. That’s vajra—let in the truth, cut out the bullshit.

Be brave—be willing to be vulnerable. Be brave—be clear.

If we can be clear with our friends, our “enemies,” our colleagues, our lover—that will help them to be clear with us. Then we find that we have pacified warfare, if only in our little corner of the world.

But, as we all do this…we’ll find a truly kinder, gentler world—one conducive to expressions of basic goodness.

Be Painfully Clear Early On, & Save 5 Times the Pain Later. This Applies to Relationships in Work & Play—Equally.

The above is an excerpt from Waylon H. Lewis’ forthcoming book, It’s Never too Late to Fall in Love with Your Life: Practical Buddhist advice for Everyday Life. It’s 365 quotes, with commentary, one for every day. Pre-order it here and save $5.

His first book, the best-selling Things I would like to do with You, is also available at that link.