Where did you get your sex education? Was it ‘on the street’?

If you are like most men, much of the information you got was misinformation. You were taught the macho way to do it. The young women you started having sex with didn’t know any more than you knew. They knew about their bodies, but no one told them sharing that info was a good thing.

Then there’s the performance thing that every man is up against. He’s performing against an imagined male standard. He may be competing against his friends. On top of that –– as if that’s not enough, he’s attempting to impress and please his partner. That’s a lot of work, and we know work isn’t necessarily fun.

It’s the having fun and connecting with your partner that becomes the basis for great sex. So, how do you do that? You get some good education about what’s happening.

This article, in WebMD, is as good as any I have seen at laying out the basics. Start applying what you read. Then, start to slow down. It’s not a sprint. See it as a gentle float down a beautiful river.

The new sex rules:

• Slow down
• Relax – keep breathing
• Learn – about sex and your partner
• Communicate before, during and yes, afterward
• Play – frame it as a new game you’re playing with your partner
• Experiment – explore not only new positions, but ways to interact
• Let go – express yourself
• Receive – allow yourself to fully feel throughout your whole body
• Take sex out of the bedroom – tease, flirt, and play throughout the day
• Get away from your normal life – have sex in new places
• Take risks – be vulnerable, speak about what you like
• Stay in your body – feel your body, it will keep you present and increase the pleasure

You will be amazed at the response your partner gives you as you start to become more present with her. The bonus, you will significantly deepen your pleasure. My warning – following the simple directions of the article and being present will shift your relationship. The intimacy of your sex will generalize into your entire relationship.

Let us know what your experience is applying these suggestions, or let us know if you have any more suggestions.

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Edited by: Lindsay Friedman

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Owen Marcus, a former Mindfulness Stress Reduction instructor, blogs about men being Remarkable at www.owenmarcus.com. He is also co-founder of Men Corps a nonprofit designed to teach men how to lead their own men’s groups.