While I was living on St Croix the tropical forest was within walking distance. As so it was that I came upon some chocolate trees. The cocoa pods were just like the picture in cook books. So I took a few. My neighbors daughter wanted to see the trees so into the woods we went. She was four or five at the time. We came to a fallen tree and had to get past it as it blocked the path. There was no way under it and I was already on the other side. She started to cry and was convinced she couldn’t climb over it. ” I can’t!” ” I can’t!” She crytalked.

I said to her, ” keep saying that, and put one leg up, and then put that leg over”

So she said ” I can’t” over and over and was suddenly on the other side of the tree. She was kinda surprised because she had focused on just saying her thing over and over. A short while later we had opened a cocoa pod and were enjoying the pulp which surrounds the seeds which become  chocolate.

So, what do I do? Back at the obsticle? I didn’t make her give up her understanding until there was a replacement. I let her hold on to her idea that she can’t, while providing a simple set of tasks. She then could let go of her previous understanding, already having a new one to replace it.  It’s unkind to ask anyone to give up what they have until they know it’s a good deal.

Last I heard, the kid is an architect now.