It is incredibly common to hear stories from people about how unhappy, frustrated and defeated they feel. Now, more than ever, people are looking at their lives and questioning what they have created. I will repeat that again: now, more than ever, people are looking at their lives and questioning what they have created. Far too many people feel like they are victims of circumstance, when in reality we choose our lives, we create our circumstances. When we are unhappy with what we have, it is easy to fall into the trap of believing there is no way out. It is easy to convince yourself that it is too hard to change. It is easy to fear failure. It is easy to tell yourself that these are the cards you’ve been dealt. It is easy not to change. It is easy not to make any effort. That doesn’t mean your life is easy. It means it is easy to make the choice to keep things as they are because change takes work. Change is hard. And it can be hard to know what you need to do to make your life better.

As a life coach, I hear so often from clients that they want to change their lives but because they put so much emphasis on what other people think and what society expects, they do not give credence to their own desires, their own aspirations and their own goals. If you are one of those people, I am here to tell you that change can happen anytime, not because a strong wind comes and blows change into your life, but because with clear goals, a desire to make them happen, a commitment to making a better life and consistent action in that direction, you will succeed.

So why do so many people begin to work toward change and just give up? There are probably millions of people who have started something new with self-improvement in mind and fail. How is it possible that so many people cannot sustain change? Especially when it will better their lives?

Case in point – you want to lose weight. You go on a diet. You lose weight. But at some point, frustration sets in and you give up and gain the weight back. Or you decide you are going to go to the gym and get back into shape and you know how important exercise is to that goal. So, you “commit” to the process and go to the gym regularly. You begin to see some change in your body. But at some point, frustration sets in and you give up. Or you decide that living a life full of stress is taking you down, so you decide to do yoga and meditate. It begins to help you. But at some point, frustration sets in and you give up.

What is it about doing these positive things that leads to frustration and ultimately the failure to change? In my opinion and experience, it is that too many people have unrealistic expectations. They expect to see certain results by their own imagined time limit and if they do not achieve those results, they just give up. Did I say results? Isn’t it critically important to the process of change to keep your mind on the ultimate results you want to accomplish? Absolutely not! Looking for results is the number one thing that causes people to give up on themselves. It is no different when you decide that what needs to change is your attitude towards life. We all grow up with emotional baggage and limiting beliefs. If we work to change that, expecting and looking for results will derail you faster than anything.

Well, if we cannot focus on the results we want, then how can we possibly sustain the hard work it takes to foster the changes we so deeply desire? The answer is a lot simpler than you might think. It comes down to identifying your goals and desires, whatever they may be. Then, you need a plan of action to move you from point A to point B (where you really want to be). Every plan of action includes steps you need to take to facilitate what you want, whether it is to lose weight, get healthier, improve your self-image, change professions, get a better job, meet the love of your life, etc. The steps you need to take put you on the road to change. Stay on that road and you cannot help but eventually arrive at your destination. But, and this is a big but, you cannot sit in expectation of the changes you desire. As I said, that will derail you.

It comes down to understanding that when “you do the right thing”, you will ultimately achieve what you set out to achieve. That’s right. Just do the right thing! Release the results. Just do the right thing because it is the right thing to do to get you to your goals. If you do the right thing, the desired results will always be achieved. Take comfort in the fact that you have chosen a process to make your life better. Eating healthier, exercising, learning to calm your stress, learning to love yourself and become more positive about your life, etc. require certain steps be taken. If you are taking those steps, you are on the road to success. Metaphorically, if you wanted to walk to California from New York, you must map out your journey and choose the right roads to get you there. Once on the road, will you be in California? Of course not. But if you keep looking for California while you are in Pennsylvania, you will likely get frustrated and give up. But if you focus on the process and not the results, you will succeed because you are doing the right thing to get you there. But you won’t be there until you see the sign that says Welcome to California.

Implementing change is not that hard. Sustaining it is what is hard. However, if you let go of the results and focus your attention on doing the right thing, voila. You affirm to yourself every day, “I’m doing what I need to do now because it is the right thing”. For me, just doing the right thing enabled me to create a life I love with self-respect, self-love and confidence, where once I hated myself, was insecure and had little to no confidence in myself. There is no time limit to change. In truth, the minute you are on the path of doing the right thing, you have changed your life for the better! And each day you do the right thing, you are closer to your goals. There is no magic bullet to change. It takes hard work. But when you release the results, you release the frustration and then the journey becomes so much more rewarding and enlightening. Now, go do the right thing! I wish you the best of luck on your journey.