Thailand, my home, the land of smiles, and a land of mystery and wonder. To be precise I am actually born in Bangkok, Thailand, but somehow never ever felt I was part of the country. I am a third-culture kid born here. Indian blood, but inside felt I was connected towards Thailand much more than India. My family was all born in Thailand but not in Bangkok. I am the first-ever child in my family born in the big city of Bangkok.

Bangkok, the city that never sleeps, the “City of Angels”, the city where you can find anything and do anything if you know the right people. The city where dreams are made. The big city is the center of food in Southeast Asia. I never felt it. I felt I belonged somewhere else, felt I wanted to run away from Bangkok City.

I admit I was sent to an international school in Bangkok which taught an American standard of teaching. I was nurtured in the “American” way of lifestyle. How they think, what they want to do, or the history of America. A country where you can be free. A country bigger than Thailand. The melting pot of the world. From watching a Christmas film called “Panda Express”, I fell in-love with America. I wanted to start my middle school in America. I thought life would be that easy by just asking my family if I could move to America. And BAM! I was studying in America. No actually, as an Indian family born in Thailand, I got slapped right and left.

It felt weird, as kids in my school got to follow their passion when they were a child. They got to study the piano, got to play football (soccer), or basketball. I wanted that. But somehow slowly yet surely something changed inside for me.

Bangkok slowly started to become a house for me. Through-out middle school I had more freedom of choice as my family trusted me. I got to experience Bangkok, Thailand my way. I got to experience the outskirts of Bangkok. I was actually closer to Pattaya than to the central business district of Bangkok. Pattaya, as you might have heard of, is the red-light district of Thailand. Once you go to walking-street in Pattaya, let’s say whatever happens in Pattaya stays in the coastal town. A coastal town of the best nightlife can ever be found in Thailand.

Furthermore, I started to understand the culture of central Thailand. From Pattaya to Hua-Hin. The problem was that I understood a bit about it, but it was never vice-versa. I never felt I belonged, I never felt Bangkok accepted me.

High-School: Time of your Life 

High-School was supposed to be the time of your life right. Well to be honest for me it is kind of true. High-school in Bangkok was a great experience. As mentioned above, Thailand is a food paradise. In high-school I tried so much food in the city of Bangkok. Spicy home-made cuisine, to eating fried bugs and inserts, to trying different curry types. Even tried to eat Chinese influenced Thai food. And always I mean always people ask me can I eat pork or can you eat this. I mean if I can not eat it why would I order it?

Those questions made me feel I did not belong in Thailand. But Thailand had 1 significant culture.

Mai Pen Rai Culture Thailand

What is Mai Pen Rai Culture 

The phrase translated into English means, “It’s Ok”. Everything is alright, and we smile. Well it was alright, when you eat the food, everything was alright and it felt good. Once I ate the spicy food in the busy and joyful streets of Sathorn everything was ok. It felt good, it felt as if I belonged in Thailand again. But one question always eluded me. Is Thailand Home?

Nevertheless, if you went out drinking in Thonglor District, Bangkok, Thailand. It felt like home. The clubbing in Thonglor, the beers, the  2am fried chickens, the girls, and I was still in high-school during the time. Everything felt great. It was home, for a second. I was ok, for a second. Then life hits you during my last summer vacation in Bangkok before going-off to Singapore for university.

I was again in Pattaya, smoking a cigarette, drinking Thailand famous Chang beer, and someone from the other side of the road shouted to my friends and I. Ironically I was studying in the same international schools for 12 years and meant people from all over the world. Most of my group of friends were Thai, Korean, and American. Funnily enough I was born in Thailand but the people who shouted over asked my Korean friend in Thai language about the location of the beach. He did not know how to speak Thai but could understand it. On the other hand when I tried to help, they did not care about me at all. I replied in Thai and they were shocked to know I spoke in Thai. They were shocked. I understood their lingo, and was like you are not Indian. On the other hand, they were like your friend is Korean. How can you guys be friend as well?”

That was the moment I remember my childhood for not belonging in Thailand.

University Life: Singapore and United Kingdom

Started my university life in Singapore and of course the first thing I needed was a place to live. I searched on ddproperty to find a apartment nearby Punggol as it was a calm place and outside the city of Singapore. Honestly, I stayed in Singapore for a year and half and I love it. Did not call it home, but felt I belonged. People actually loved it when I said I was from Thailand. They wanted to ask so many questions. The food was similar, but the culture and standard of living was different. But I had a great time.

Then came the biggest change in my life. Moving to the United Kingdom, well the first is to find a property apartment from rightmove. A very helpful website to find an apartment to rent in London and thorough-out the whole kingdom. A person who loves to move and not stay still it was perfect. To find apartments to rent anywhere I want to and move constantly. I can check photos of the apartment on my phone, the price, and pass data points too. I love to move around after a year or even less than a year from one apartment to the next.

Furthermore, somehow I felt like I belonged in the country. I did not call London home, but it was like a house for me. I love it there, the lifestyle, but everything was expensive, and to get something you had to work for it. Nothing came easy, which honestly I like, but the life there was normal.

But one day I had to move back to Thailand, and was sad. Because I never felt I belonged in Thailand. I felt I belonged in Singapore more than in Thailand. I felt I could continue my life in London for a bit more and move back to Singapore to work.

Then the pandemic hit. I made up my mind and said enough is enough, move out of my family home and find my own apartment to rent in Bangkok. And I did it right away. I wanted to be in a district where I knew about it very well. A district in Bangkok, where it felt homey for me and I felt I was home. But agents in Thailand are quite different from the rest of the world. Nothing went through the internet. Everything went through word of mouth and relationships you had with other people. I felt I needed some time to search on the web more than talking to people. By just typing in an apartment for rent in Bangkok I found something very similar to rightmove in London.

FazWaz website in Thailand was familiar and I found out I was able to move to a rental apartment really quickly by looking through the website. As time went on, somehow I felt I belonged in Thailand again. I felt I was home. I did not understand it properly, why I felt that way. But the people were nice, the food was always amazing, but the country just became mine. I felt sad when someone said anything bad about Bangkok. I felt angry, I was like only I can say something bad about Bangkok.

Bangkok City is a mystery that is always changing at a fast-pace. Like me I felt, I felt I wanted to change all the time, but somehow the change does not happen quickly. Or the change does not happen in a perfect control way. I felt my life mirror my home which is Thailand. A mystery that does not change really fast.

And one day from my apartment I felt I was home for the first time. I felt I did not want to move from my apartment in Bangkok. I found the perfect apartment to call home and it felt great.

But it does not mean that one day if the opportunity arises I would not move out again!