It’s like I was allergic to pregnancy…

Allergic to child bearing

I experienced an inflammatory response 

To the very origin of life.

And no, this is not written in medical terms.

It’s written in energetic, soul-regulated language.

It was first the time in my life I gave myself permission to eat whatever the hell I wanted.

No restrictions, no regulations. 

I welcomed in the junk, the GMO, the processed foods, the cookies, the carbs, 

I welcomed it ALL.

What did my mind see?

Living out of control.

What did my body see?

Freedom.

I softened in ways I didn’t know was possible.

Or, I suppose I did, but I didn’t know was possible for me.

From age 12 to age 26, all I knew was restriction – in the physical, emotional and spiritual realms. 

I intuitively knew to control all of the things

That seemingly felt so out of control. 

So, my body grew..and grew and grew and grew..as did my baby..

My beautiful, healthy, growing baby.

In letting go of the mental fixation of body image and physical appearance,

I welcomed a mental softness that felt so foreign to me.

I welcomed unconditional love.

And not only from myself, but my partner.

I welcomed the allowance of love amidst change. 

The universe welcomed me with the opportunity,

To reframe my worldview and my worth 

To that around “doing” in a different sense.

As in, doing in the undoing. Being in the present.

And letting my guard down in ways I hadn’t previously. 

My limbs swole, my belly stretched, my cheeks puffed,

but I was still me. A new, and changing, but same me. 

The fluid that collected in my limbs and my belly flushed as my baby was born.

The somatic inflammation caused by unfamiliarity,

Rinsed the old away.

Like a current carrying the stagnant debris

Down the river.

To other places, to either renew or dispose of – away from the place of origin.

That place of origin being me.

The thoughts, the emotions, the fluid, the disbelief, the old patterns, all somatically birthed by this beautiful vessel in which I reside. 

“Hi”, she says, “I am here and we are still whole.”