Am I the only one that sucks at titles? And I always feel like I have so much to say (that’s actually interesting) but when push comes to shove.

I’m left hanging.

Moving on, just had to get past the pre-writing jitters!

In my last post I wrote about a massive change I would be making and how it had me shitting my pants. Well it’s in the works, not that anyone knows yet. I just have to cover all my bases, so that when it’s time to let those near and dear to me know they aren’t left with any questions.

I want to do this. I want to find a job I can grow in and create a life with although it may not be permanent. I’ve spent five years doing the same thing over again, the definition of insanity. I’ve been grasping for anything to hold onto while I tried to make possible other peoples belief in me. All the while loosing all sense of belief in myself.

So here I am for the first time in a long time, if maybe ever trying to follow through on being true to myself and what it is that’s making my heart beat faster.

People are gonna tell me I’m being stupid but to hell with them.

Is it so bad to want to slow down in one part of my life so that I can grow in others. To want to build a home for myself, by myself. To want a job and life before I graduate. I hate school and always have. I also desire my degree with a vengeance. So, what’s the happy medium. Where’s the silver lining?

I build my life and have one for the first time while taking classes at my own speed. Letting myself enjoy aspects of the classes I take that I never have and hopefully maintain it.

And let’s be realistic okay I’m not old, I’m 24. if I slowed down and only took two classes every semester I could still graduate by 26!

So here’s to getting the swim instructing position and building a life I can wake up smiling to instead of dreading.