Lately I have accepted the fact that I am my own problem, I have been in my own way. If you’re reading this I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I can say without a doubt that is true in regards to you being your problem as well. We can blame our childhood, parents, experiences but underneath all of what I call life is you. The word trigger is a term in which is used to describe something that causes us cravings for an addiction or a word that  that evokes something painful. Most all of us are probably familiar with the uncomfortable feeling associated with feeling triggered. If you have not yet, I assume you will. We cannot depend on others nor situations to be so perfect that we may never be caused upset. We can however learn to master ourselves. Socrates stated, “know thyself. Awareness behind this journey within. For me it began as what some would call a series of “tower moments” where my life as I knew it had crumbled. If I had to sum of the phases of change up to the leading to the end result of e=mc I’m the problem lol it would be as follows. 1. Innocence 2. Ignorance/Arrogance (ego). 3. Victim mentality (why me? Poor me? If only my parents had or hadn’t) 4. Feeling of entitlement 5. Feeling invincible as if something bad happens to others but couldn’t happen for you. 6. Consequences of my actions.

This is where the road comes to a fork. We either succumb to ignorance, selfishness, self pity etc and refuse to know ourselves and blame everything and everyone else or we learn from our mistakes, we learn humility and are rudely awakened to the fact of how quickly things can change. Having a baby doesn’t guarantee your children are home with you forever, a criminal justice degree does not promise justice for your mistakes will never come to right your wrongs. Being a victim of abuse doesn’t mean you have to stay a victim forever either. Process and feel the pain, anger and all of the feelings you need to feel. Cry, scream, seek professional help to release what no longer serves you and with time, begin a path to peace as Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha) did. Knowing yourself connects you to higher wisdom that cannot be known unless the work to “kno thyself” is done. Nobody else but you can do that.  It’s a beautiful feeling of freedom and self acceptance and love when you can look at your life and admit to others and you that you are your problem. Nobody else can control your reactions. That is up to you. “What someone else thinks of you is none of your business “ as said by Rachel Hollis and many others. You honestly stop needing validation or acceptance from others and you stop feeling triggered when someone’s negative opinion of you is heard or felt. You know you. When s people are gossiping and my name is involved,  I respond with something meant to be funny and yet.. true, “Do you know what I think of them? I don’t.”  That does not  mean I am self centered it simply means I let go of things that no longer  serve me and I find something in my humor to inhale the giggles and good shit and exhale the bullshit. If you want to place blame on anyone go look at the reflection in your nearest mirror. Tell yourself how sorry you are for hurting you further and how much you love you. I do that with my inner child and I’m such a great parent to her she’s never leaving! Haha, so part of me will always be silly and I try to look at nature as if through the lens of a child seeing it for the first time. I look with awe of God’s creation and with childlike hope and excitement at everything. Own it. Forgive it. Share it. Maybe someone else too can find courage where they  once felt shame.