We have to demystify the concept of self-love.

Going to get our nails done, drinking green juice, going in for a weekly or monthly massage, getting our hair done, enjoying nature spiciness, eating salads with kale, replacing processed sugar with natural honey, body brushing on weekends, oil pulling every morning, bath soaking for fifteen minutes in Epsom salt after a long and stressful day, using essential oils to heal our sinuses and rid flu symptoms before they even emerge, detoxing every new season, meditating fifteen/twenty minutes every day and so on; all are conscious actions that require conscious and mindful decision making skill; those decisions are all well and good, but is that all what self-love from our holistic dictionary has trickled down to in our modern revolution of discovering happiness and well-being?

Of course self care practices are actions stem from self-love, but there is another layer of self-love that we easily over look as individuals and as a society.

Each day and at specific points or phases in our lives, we are faced with decisions that potentially shape our destiny and alter the course of our lives, but we often make multiple decisions so mindlessly and unconsciously that until we begin to literally see the effect, result, rewards or consequences from the decisions we’ve made, we don’t truly realize the power of decisions.

The question that clarifies everything for us, from the decisions we make about our finances, our relationships and love lives, about our careers and dream life, about our health and well-being, about everything pertaining to us as individuals: “When we make decisions, what is it rooted in?”

I came to this realization for myself recently that I have to be more of a self-love decision maker.

Every decision whatsoever that I make going forward must be rooted in self-love, and amplifying my level of consciousness around this new realization I hope will guide me in a more successful path to a brighter future:

1. Decisions that make us feel contracted and leave us feeling small and not worthy. 

2. Decisions that questions our sanity such as falling in love overnight and getting obsessive. 

3. Decision that leaves us with the shorter end of the stick always making us feel left out or out of place, or un-cared for, or at a disadvantage. 

4. Decisions that put our health and well-being at risk such as ignoring the signs of the toxicity/abuse in a relationship we are in; having to diminish ourselves so the other can feel big; or choosing to say Yes when deep down our answer is really a No; or going to bed with that one person we don’t really know and ignoring all the risks involved; choosing to binge eat or starve when we know better than to use food to soothe our mood; or ignoring signs our body relates to us when it needs rest and sleep but we keep going instead…

5. Decisions that affect our livelihood, such as when we accept the little pay for that gig or job instead of negotiating for a higher raise or better deal; or when we get too scared to announce our craft we spent long nights and long weekends creating; when we engage in soul-draining activities/gigs; when we drift out of our purpose, and get soaked in doings that don’t light us up; when we choose to disregard our finance out of fear of actually dealing with the reality of its current state; or when we choose to procrastinate and watch TV or hangout aimlessly instead of doing things that move us closer to accomplishing our goals…

These decisions are clear and simple examples of decisions that are made mindlessly, unconsciously and not rooted in self-love, because we don’t take a second to ask ourselves the question of “Is this decision that I am about to make a proof of my deepest love for myself?”

When we can begin to ask ourselves more of this self-love question with as many decisions as we possibly can, we inevitably stir ourselves towards a higher well-being, fulfillment and success in our endeavors. We in other words, protect ourselves from series of negative entrapment that could potentially steal our bright future from us.

Every decision we make shapes our future, our destiny and our paths in life, the more we make conscious decisions that are rooted in self-love, the higher chance that we can be stirred into a happier and more fulfilling place in our lives.

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Editor: Jenna Penielle Lyons

Photo: elephant archives