Top 10 Stupid Blog Titles with Weak-at-Best Connections to the Mindful Life that our Readers would click up big-time if only They’d Ever Happened.

Haters always hate how we blog about controversial or sexy stuff and love to leave comments like, “elephant used to be awesome when it was a magazine, stop blogging about bullshit.” Funny thing is, we get tons of clicks on such blogs, so it’s our readers who are guiding what we focus on.

So, in that spirit, here’s 10 blogs I wish I could bullshit up on this site that would get us tons of traffic—despite having almost nothing to do with “the mindful life.”

From the we’d blog about them only they don’t happen to be quite true department:

1. Last night’s elephant party—photos! Lindsay Lohan & Paris Hilton wrestle in organic jello! Plus, editor Waylon Lewis snorts fair labor coke off hood of electric Tesla sportscar.

2. Dean Potter slacklines while blindfolded and without parachute in 60 mph winds!* Video by Reel Rock crew, sponsored by Patagonia or Prana!

*pretty much true

3. Ken Wilber invents new energy source in his sleep: his brain. Free!

4. Rock star Daniel Woods skips right over v20s, discovers and flashes v30 after having stolen beta from Carlo Traversi, Chris Web-Parsons and Dave Graham. {I don’t really know what that one means, but am told it’s funny!}

5. Gluten-free? Sooo 2010: natural businesses jump on Sugar-free bandwagon—elephant’s fad of the year!

6. Your bicycle: get healthier, happier—save money on maintenance, parking, tickets. Plus: sex!

7. Pema Chodron drops f bombs in altercation at airport; refuses to de-bling for airport security.

8. Boycott Plastic—it never degrades, causes cancer. Plus, sex!

9. Lady Gaga wears skin of rescue dog; admits dress’ message is “I’m controversial and surprising! Buy my albums!”

10. Terracycle‘s new wormpoop free-range designation meaningless: worms are crowded into little tunnels, fed only compost and dirty water; given limited access to fresh air and sunshine.

Other ideas?