Facebook quizzes are pretty meaningless, but they can give you something to do at the office, or when you’re avoiding school work (in my case grad school apps).  Today, lots of my friends are taking the Which US City, or Which European City Should You Live In Quiz.  This allows you to declare smugly to your friends “I told you I was supposed to live in Prague!” as you glance knowingly at the Kafka in your bookshelf.  However, they’re kind of predictable.

Are you prone to striking and racism, yet value art house films and good food?  You should live in Paris!  Are you classist and long to wear silly hats? Live in London!  Do you want to have good sex?  Live in Barcelona!  Do you want to feel crowded and trapped, yet superior to people who live in other cities? Live in New York!  Do you want legal marijuana, but hate the rain?  Move to Denver!  Do you hate shaving your armpits and love local food?  Move to SF or Portland! Must your cocaine be the best?!   Move to Miami!  But wouldn’t it be so much more interesting to find out which war-torn, despotic, developing city, you’re meant to live in?  Yes, yes it would.

1) You are a separatist because?

a) The Tsar forced your ancestors to leave their homes and go to Kyrgyzstan in the early 1900s, and that’s f*****d up!

b) Women should not be allowed to leave the house without men.  Alternatively, your school was bombed, it killed your brother and/or father, and you have no way of finding gainful employment.

c) The oil is not for the neo-imperial colonialists!  Also, my fishing grounds are on fire.

d) The blockade on my city.

e) I believe in non-violent resistance.

2) Your favorite drink is?

a) Vodka

b) I don’t drink alcohol, I drink tea.  I smoke and sell opium, however.

c) Gasoline!

d) I also don’t drink alcohol; however, I am not a drug dealer.

e) I like micro brews and organic wine.

3) What is your favorite food?

a) wasn’t this the question before?

b) lamb

c) stew, and/or contaminated fish!

d) Falafel

e) local and slow food.

4) Where do you like to shop for clothes?

a) The mall when it’s open.

b) Open air markets.  Places that sell large swaths of cloth to give to my wives to sew.

c) I prefer body paint over clothes.

d) It’s very hard to shop given that no trade is allowed in or out of my city.

e) Patagonia!

And now for the results!

a) You belong in Grozny.  Really, it’s only a matter of time before full blown war breaks out again.  Ramzon Kadryov sold out to Putin, and someone will replace him to lead the Chechen struggle soon!  As a bonus, any time the Ingush people commit terrorism, you, the Chechens, get the credit!

b) You want to be a member of the Taliban.  Or maybe you joined Al-Queda in Yemen.  You should probably not tell your immediate superior that you’re reading a Buddhist online magazine.

c) the Niger Delta!  You are a member of MEND because you don’t think Shell should have your oil and you’re not going to take it sitting down!  A movie deal based on Sebasitan Junger’s piece in Vanity Fair is imminent.  Or at least a TV special…or…What? No one cares about Africa? S**t!

d) Gaza city!  You have the support of liberal leftists the world over!  That doesn’t make things better though, does it?

e) You work for the UNHCR.  You may live in the West Bank, the border between Thailand and Burma, or the Sudan!

First appeared on my blog womanofsteele.