[editor’s note: the article below may be fictitious.]

Dot matrix printers are obsolete
In an effort to boost global technology spend, the US Government’s CTO, Aneesh Chopra declares the dot matrix printers obsolete. Aneesh entertained several proposals from technology election contributors, including eliminating the use of  9-volt batteries and LPT1. Aneesh believes the planned obsolescence of dot matrix printing will significantly boost technology spend.

Bill summary and impact
Republicans and Tea Party advocates have added their own provisions:  font obsolescence- the retirement of Times New Roman and Arial- and enabling kerning by default.

US Ranks 40th for Innovation
The US ranks fortieth globally on the innovation cure and this bill may improve America’s ranking. The details of the Chief Technology Officer’s announcement, while slated for a news conference in the Bay Area were superseded by advance publication on Wiki Leaks.

Related news:
Slate article: Space Invaders: Why you should never, ever use two spaces after a period.
The WSJ recent report on technology obsolescence.