When a writer has a book published one of the responsibilities of the author is to write his/her friends, family, colleagues, and pretty much anyone they might, possibly, kinda know, to tell them about their book that has just come out. These letters have a pretty standard form. They summarize the book, exaggerate how awesome it is, and give blurbs from book reviews to prove said awesomeness. Sending out this letter always made me feel like a shill, so this time I decided to try something different. Rather then send a straightforward letter to my friends, etc, I doctored it a bit and sent one version to Sarah Palin’s website and another version to Michelle Bachmann’s website, and bcc’d my entire contact list. Here’s what I sent them:

Dear Doctor Michele Bachman, Esq.,

I’m writing to alert you about my new book, PARADISE RULES, and see if you’ll consider including it on “Michele’s Must Read List.” You and Marcus will have a gay old time reading it. There’s tons of Christian-sanctioned heterosexual sex and it’s the perfect escape from the trenches of Reparative Therapy.

PARADISE RULES is almost as provocative as your use of Auschwitz in GUINEA PIG KIDS. The book explores an older woman’s sexual relationship with a teenage boy, and while it may be wrong, it is not homosexual.  The prose is outrageous, much like a grown woman hiding in the bushes at a gay rights rally.

Though PARADISE RULES may seem chirpy (like praying on the sidewalks outside abortion clinics), the novel does explore deeper topics like forgiveness, family, and faith—in yourself, in the people around you, even in the people living inside your head. The book will make you laugh (like you do behind Sarah Palin’s back), cringe (like you do beneath eco lightbulbs), and think (like you did at the O.W. Coburn “School of Law”).

The Publisher’s Weekly review of PARADISE RULES said, “Gleacher brings levity and wit to a coming-of-age tale reminiscent of Caddyshack.” (A movie with no witchcraft.)

Booklist’s review said PARADISE RULES is “A sunny, optimistic breeze of a read.” (Guaranteed to light up your eyes.)

And author James Frey describes the novel as, “Wickedly funny. I think this will be Gleacher’s breakthrough book.” (I’m gay for James. Maybe Marcus can fix me.)

I hope you get a chance to read PARADISE RULES and like it so much you become “personally enslaved” to finishing it. If you have any friends who aren’t too busy speaking in tongues, please forward this email to them.

PARADISE RULES is available wherever books are sold and you can also order it here at Amazon.

Jimmy Gleacher

p.s. Don’t forget to wish Thomas Edison a Happy Birthday on October 18th.

p.p.s. If you’d like to see the version I sent to Sarah Palin, please visit my blog at Elephant Journal.