Originally published by our elephriends over at Recovering Yogi on October 31, 2011. 
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Instant yoga language immersion.

By Shawn Radcliffe

Thank you for purchasing Recovering Yogi’s Instant Language Immersion Series, the best-selling divine learning program that lets you learn anytime, anywhere. In this series, you will learn helpful vocabulary and phrases for common situations you might experience in a yoga-practicing city.

Greetings

There are various ways to greet someone in the yoga community, or kula.

• Namasté. [The light within me acknowledges the light that is also within you, which concurrently acknowledges the acknowledging light that is within me, etcetera ad nauseam.]
• Om. (American variant, Ooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.) [I recognize the universal harmonic vibration that is your true Nature.]
• Blessings and peace to the Goddess. [How you doin’?]

Shopping: Addressing the clerk

These phrases may come in handy while shopping at a yoga studio, depending upon the style of yoga and the amount of lululemon apparel sold there.

• I become a mirror for my friends, partner and family, and they are also a mirror for me. [Do you sell locally made, organic hemp necklaces like the one my friends are all wearing?]
• You are reducing your experience of the light of awareness. [I think you gave me the wrong change.]
• My experience opens into the beautiful infinity with no beginning and no end. [Super-size the $15 kale juice, please.]

Party: Pick-up lines

It is common to be invited to an intimate party by strangers you meet at the yoga studio. This often involves fire-twirling beneath a bridge or a floating rave in the warehouse district. Now that you are at the party, let’s strike up a conversation with one of the other party-goers.

• It is through the boundaries of the body-mind that we discover that our Divinely true nature is boundless. [I really like your hair.]
• Namasté! [Is that a mirror in your pants? Because I sure can see myself there.]
• Can you open yourself up to every Divine thing that you feel and sense within and around you? [Do you want to go home with me?]

Relationships: Meeting the parents

You’ve experienced Tantric sex with a Divine creature you met at the party, maybe even gotten new tattoos or piercings together. Now it’s time to meet the parents.

• We are working things out on a deeper level. [I don’t have a job right now, but s/he loves me the way I am.]
• We employ Muscular and Organic Energy, Inner and Outer Loops, plus all of the Spirals to find the most efficient way to carry our physicality. [Yes, the sex is really hot.]
• We are in the continually expanding process of understanding that our Divine nature is full and perfect, and lacks nothing. [Prana can’t drink right now, because she’s pregnant.]

About Shawn Radcliffe

Shawn Radcliffe became a yoga teacher for the same reason as most: “I liked doing yoga and, um, well, it seemed like something fun to do.” After eight weeks of intense memorization of one yoga sequence (and occasional back stroking by his teacher), he added the 200-hour yoga teacher certification to his already-long-list of Exciting Degrees That Still Leave You Hungry (also includes Music, Creative Writing, and Clown). He also writes creatively, spewing forth his true divine nature on The Lost River of My Consciousness.