Waylon Lewis, founder and editor-in-chief of elephant journal, is not the boss of me.

But he is one of the most ludicrous men I know (a quality greatly overlooked by most ladies), and it is in this spirit of living our worst through satire and our best through laughter that I’d like to publically display why exactly I dislike him so much.

10 things I hate about Waylon Lewis.

(And an eleventh one I hate a lot). 

I hate it when he walks his talk
by standing on his head.
And hate it when he talks his walk
so loud he wakes the dead.

I hate it when he makes me cry
in meetings and in chats,
And want to punch him in the face
when he misreads the dots.

I hate how Buddhist he behaves
how spiritual and vain,
material, raw, organic, om,
his Eco, Dharma brain.

I hate how he’s so fast & furious
at editing and sh*t
It makes me feel like a wet frog
in a deep, Word Press pit.

I hate his selfish Eco boy
vs. the Yoga girl,
I wish he’d let me write a part
And make him lose control.

I hate it how his emails
Are always way too short
They could fit in the subject
And writes them without words.

I hate how cute his Doggy is
It makes me need a hug
And how he lives the simple life:
Of man and bike and Dog.

I hate how he’s so meditative
and Trungpa and what not.
But when he’s not high on caffeine
he chops your head right off.

I hate how he’s both rude and kind
a genius and a fool,
How yin & yang he makes the fight
with retro hipster looks.

I hate it how he’s always busy
and how he misses things,
I’d hate it if he wasn’t busy
and boring in all things.

But what I think I hate the most
(other than the Atlantic wall),
I hate the way I don’t hate him;
not even close, not even a little bit
not even at all.

 

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