Release Your Truth: A Story of Triumph and Survival Over Sexual Abuse.

My name is Tara Moffatt. I am a mother of two, and have been with the love of my life for 16 years. To the casual observer and quick ‘passerby’—one might see a woman whose life has been filled with much happiness and blessings. And, one might also see a woman whose path has resulted in great strength and courage.

And, by all measures, and accounts—both observations would be completely true.

But, things are often missed when our eyes pass so quickly through and over things. In our first glance, we may miss the real story—the one that is deeper still. Every moment in our life, becomes a ‘page’ in our journey. And, it’s in these pages where the true essence of who we are, and what we are yet to be–comes alive.

This is my story—and these are the ‘pages’ that have shaped my spirit.

I was sexually abused as a child.

The first time it happened, I was just a baby—barely five years old. He was a teenage boy, maybe 15 at the time. And, again, when I was just a little older—this time, by a 44-year-old ‘man’ and, a ‘friend’ to our family. What this man did to me tore apart the innocence of my spirit—causing me to withdraw from everyone. I remember thinking, even at this young age, how very much I disliked myself.

I was so afraid, that I would sleep in my blue jeans and t-shirt—the soft fabric was my only sense of security and comfort. I didn’t know what to do; I felt so much pain. And my parents, with their own abusive patterns and selfish needs—were constantly putting themselves ahead of my younger sister and me.

In an act of defiance, I held my silence—and in doing so, I held onto my pain.

And when he finally stopped, it took me a full two years following—to finally step forward… to find my courage… my voice, to say ‘enough.’

I thought this was the ‘right’ thing to do—to carry my story forward to the authorities, to let them know about this terrible monster. But, due to the complexity of our legal system, I found out that these people who were there to help me—they couldn’t even take my statement. It wasn’t their jurisdiction.

I felt powerless.

How was I, a young woman with little means and no driver’s license—how was I ever going to make the two hour trip to the ‘correct’ jurisdiction.

It wasn’t until 2001, that I was finally able to formally report my childhood abuser. By then, I was depressed. I couldn’t focus, and had a hard time even functioning in my everyday living. But, in spite of my weakness, I found my strength. I even called my abuser to let him know that I had reported him to the authorities. He may have stolen my voice when I was just a very small child, but I am the one who found it again.

And then one day, while on my way to pay my rent—I had the most curious thing happen to me. I found myself standing in front of what was a Real Estate office, but was now something called “Labyrinth.” I was confused, to say the least.

But, something compelled me that day—so, I opened the door and introduced myself. And in doing so, I met Bette—a psychic medium. We had many conversations, Bette and I, in my many visits to her store. In time, I shared with her the stories of my childhood.

I shared with her my experience as a very small child, when I had realized I was ‘hearing’ and ‘seeing’ people who had passed on. I had thought I was crazy—I convinced myself I had a mental disorder, and even sought medication for a while. But, Bette reassured me that I wasn’t crazy—that we are all intuitive, or sensitive, in some way.

Geesh, what a relief that there were other people in the community that were just like me. Instead of being afraid of what I felt, I learned to embrace this part of me. I began to study stones, and to learn of their healing properties. I read books and taught myself how to read tarot cards. Bette truly helped me to understand my true spirit; she was even there to hold my hand throughout the court proceedings.

In January 2003, I learned that my abuser had harmed other children—and was currently being tried on these, and other charges. In June of 2003, the court finally returned a ruling—a ‘hung jury.

I was devastated. How could this be?  How could I have gone through all that for nothing?

But more importantly—how could I move on knowing that justice hadn’t been served?

It was the darkest time of my life. I get shivers just thinking about it. I just didn’t know what to do or what direction my life was heading in. I didn’t know my ‘way forward.’

I remember the night before that verdict came in, I had read my tarot cards. I asked what my outcome was going to be. My cards read, “No one won and no one lost.” At the time, I didn’t’ understand what those words meant. It wasn’t until after the ruling that I was able to take a step back and to make some sense of it all.

As a child that has unfortunately suffered great trauma, we learn to separate ourselves from our physical bodies. It makes it much easier to escape and to cope. And because we separate ourselves from our bodies, it sometimes makes it easier to ‘connect’ with things that are not always seen—rather, sensed. I didn’t realize that these things I was sensing were part of something so much greater.

“No one won; no one lost”

My trauma was my awakening. I finally understood what these words meant. I realized, there is a thin veil that separates trauma, and our own spiritual awakening. These things that I was experiencing were quite real, and quite wonderful experiences. And since then, I have had so many more—and I have, embraced them all. I don’t know that this connection to spirit would have occurred had the ‘pages’ been any different.

So, this is my story. I am Tara Moffatt, and I am grateful for all of the ‘pages’ of my story.

Tara Moffatt is a believer in that old saying that “Everything Happens for a Reason,” and there is nothing left to chance. She is a mother of two, brilliantly happy wife, and by all measures – one of the strongest women known on this planet. If you want to reach out to Tara, you can find her on her website “Release Ur  Truth”  on Twitter, or you may email her at [email protected]. She would love to hear from you.

 

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Assistant Ed: Tara Lemieux

Ed: Kate Bartolotta