It will be difficult…it will often feel like you’re moving backwards.

Do not give up.

In fact, give in. Give in to those feelings. Feel everything you’re feeling so that it can leave you. That is the goal.

Brave faces and stiff upper lips will only get you so far, and then, just like a dieter with the strongest of wills, they will break and they will give their body what it needs.

You need to do the same.

What your body needs is to grieve. It needs to be allowed to feel its pain in its entire entirety; do not shut it down.

There may be times when your pain has to take a back seat…I understand this.

Sometimes the job interview, final exam or best-friend’s wedding is just unfortunately planned and you need to rise to the occasion.

I understand and support this, but only if this is the exception, not the norm, and you allow yourself to surrender to your emotions during your necessary process of healing and self-discovery.

Be patient with you, be kind.

Treat yourself like someone you truly love whose pain breaks your heart. Feel the hurt, write it in a journal. Let it go. Do not rethink all of the mistakes you made—all the mistakes he made—it is over.

Do not remember only the good. Cherish it for what it was, but leave it in the past.

Watch your breathing; learn to return your focus to your body, your heart.

Learn to sit with yourself; you will be okay.

You may always love him, but you will learn to love yourself more.

Just. Give it. Time.

Time is your new lover. Time will let you be as sad as you want. Time will let you pretend to be (sometimes actually be) okay. And time will let you come home, wash the make-up off of your face, and admit to yourself that you’re not.

Time will not say, “I told you so.”

Time will sit with you.

Eventually, you’ll need less of it.

Eventually, you’ll feel whole again—but for now, know that you are whole.

This pain is a part of you, a part of the whole you.

Go gently. Be kind. Breathe in and breathe out. This too shall pass.

 

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Assistant Ed: Sara Crolick
Ed: Bryonie Wise