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Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea

Mermaids are chanting the wild lorelie;

Over the streamlet vapors are borne,

Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn.

~ Stephen C. Foster

Dear   ________

My love, I want you to hold me

I need you to worship me

I desire that you love me.

Insert your name in the above blank, as this letter is one that you are writing to yourself.

Yes, you are wooing yourself.

For if you do not love yourself first how can someone love the true you.

They might fall in love with a less than whole version of yourself.

You might hide behind a facade but sooner or later, the final curtain will fall, leaving you exposed.

Standing naked in your self doubt and insecurities.

“My lips for you my love are red

See into my portals of blue

This is me,

Love me true.”

I will not lie in this letter of love.

There was a time when I did not truly love the incredible being in this world named Cindy.

When I was a teenager, I looked to my boyfriends to make me feel desirable. I relished in the attention I got when I wore my tight jeans and applied my black makeup so perfectly.

As a young newlywed, I donned the apron and made endless loaves of banana bread. I did the laundry and mopped the floors, all things I thought would bring me love in the role of “wife.”

I would pull  my baby boy in his wooden sleigh around the frozen lake. The heavy flakes of falling snow collecting on his downy eyelashes.

I was filled with overflowing love for him on these snowy, crisp morning walks.

Why did I not feel the same way about myself?

Hardships and tragedies in life do have a silver lining. They force you to stop and look within. To take stock of what is really important.

When my husband said he did not love me anymore and left me for another woman, I took off the wife so I must be lovable mask.

After my vision started to blur and the cranky doctor told me I had an incurable illness, my happily ever after mask fell away.

Losing both my parents within a few years yanked me out of the role of child.

When change or loss rips away whatever falsehoods you might have been unknowingly hiding behind, you are given a true glimpse of your own beauty.

I have learned to shed all expectations others have of me and I found the self I had lost.

I love the little girl that still lives inside of me. Happy, trusting and secure that all is as it should be.

You do not have to wait for a crisis in your life to force you to peel away whatever stands in the way of loving yourself fully.

Five ways to winning back your own heart:

1. Pick up a mirror. Gaze into your eyes and say to your beautiful reflection, “I love you.”

2. Be kind to yourself. Accept what you think are your flaws and recognize that we are all imperfect. Imperfections make us individuals as varied as each grain  of sand on a majestic beach.

3. Stand naked in the mirror and find beauty in every curve, the secret places that allow you to give and receive pleasure. You are beautiful.

4. Stillness is where you will find unbounded love. Love radiates in every cell of your body. Still the mind, slow your breathing. In this stillness, love just is.

5. Be vulnerable, allowing yourself to move through your day with an open, honest heart. Allowing yourself to take chances, be open to possibilities opens the door for others to love you wholly.

Dear Cindy.

You are beautiful

You are gentleness

Let me love you.

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Ed: Kate Bartolotta