Landover Baptist Church tells it all in their article Yoga: A Religion For Sex Addicts.

I had to share some of it with you—listen to this:

“Creation Science teaches us that “Yoga” is a religion that sprang forth from the corrupt roots of sexual depravity in the 1960’s.”

Good old creation science, saving me from my wellspring of ignorance. Here I was, thinking yoga dated back 3,000 years and or so, and was an awesome way to love and connect with the beautiful human body.

People will always shoot down what you love as “wrong.” And I love the human body. Big time. And it doesn’t feel wrong.

The post goes on, revealing their source for research, a very important book, apparently, and hey, I like books.

“Secular scholars argue that the practice of “Yoga” is nearly 3,000 years old. We know this to be a lie because the Bible never mentions anything about it, and the Bible is the most accurate historical book ever written.”

Yeah. Fuck those secular scholars.

And the study of yoga, once you go beyond texts and sutras? They busted us on that.

(But I’m busting them on misuse and abuse of “it’s.” Grammar Police!)

“Yoga teaches it’s followers how to contort their bodies into demonic positions with the ultimate goal of being able to place their sexual organs into their mouths.”

Oh baby! Do I ever! Yoganidrasana, still lifetimes away, calls to me, laughing.

How astute of the church to sort out our deeply hidden motives. Are we that transparent?

I admit it. I want to (be flexible enough to) do that.

What’s not to want to do? But I’m also alive and in love with the great autonomy, immediately available in yoga practice. There is no better deal on the planet than free fascination, no equipment required. I’m in love with that and more—it’s a form of instant gratfulification.

In love with balance. And seeking peace within quiet accomplishment. And yes, in love with the enjoyment of this body. I admire the body. Especially naked.

But we all know, or at least now we do, that Landover Baptist Church is lunatic fringe on wheels, and in fact, nothing short of a parody religion. Yet like any good satire, Landover Baptist points to the truth.

Doubt me?

What do the more mainstream sects, let’s say, Catholicism, make of yoga?  To keep it interesting, I went with Father Gabriel Amorth, who in his capacity as the chief exorcist for the church sure does some heavy ecclesiastical lifting. He gave his views here:

“Practicing yoga brings evil as does reading Harry Potter. They may both seem innocuous but they both deal with magic and that leads to evil.”

I love it. Me and You and Ron and Hermione, following a path to evil. Of course, the priest has excluded himself as a credible voice with that statement, but still, intellectually acceptable or not, he has the power to shame. It is subtle and it is real.

And what we are is no less than a community celebrating the wonder of this miracle called the human body together. Practicing the deeply spiritual act of loving, appreciating and caring for this gift.

(This great wild biomachine and all that it can do, and yes, that includes sex. Sex: beautiful, natural and fantastic. Anyone not addicted to sex is, I think, doing it wrong.)

But loving. This. Gift.