Life can be full of trauma, and emotional and verbal trauma can leave scars on the soul that last until death.

Physical harms can heal, though perhaps leave a scar or more severe effects. Yet it is my belief and experience that the deepest wounds happen from words and emotions.

No amount of self-help, compassion, or therapy can change the simple truth that a word once spoken cannot be unsaid.

The influence of words is permanent.

Healing from words doesn’t have to happen if the words are not spoken. 

Words that are spoken will always have influence, changing feelings, thoughts, and perspectives. Emotional abuse does not require therapy, if it doesn’t first occur. Forgiveness is unnecessary when a person is responsible enough to not cause harm. Verbal trauma does not require compassionate understanding when responsibility for words is first accepted and honored.

Being impeccable with words, emotions and actions never requires saying, “I’m sorry,” because a person does not ever act, speak, or feel in ways that would cause harm. The person who holds to this ideal will inevitably step on toes—much like in a dance—and apologies are necessary at times. Yet, the good hearted person will not speak with the intention to cause harm and will reign themselves in.

Never tell somebody that you hate them.

The worst expression in the world is of hatred. Telling a person that you hate them is violence. When a person you love and are intimate with utters hatred, it is a dagger in the back, betrayal of the heart and spirit. The venom of hatred makes everything suspect. Communicating hatred shuts down the heart. Hatred hurts, and can destroy a relationship in an eye-blink.

Always speak gently, and when angry, speak with open-hearted courage.

Disagreements will occur, and when not seeing eye to eye, tempers may raise. When love is first, insults and put-downs are not possible. Love will present its hurts with open authenticity, communicate its disconnect with vulnerabilities, and take responsibility for flaws. Love accepts the burden and trials of life, and never goes on the offensive. Loving speech does not humiliate the other person, or belittle them with names, or accuse them of being somebody other than who they are.

In loving a person, have the  courage to express feelings and perceptions—accept personal responsibility. The consequences of love are natural, the growth is intuitive and enduring. Love provides an easy defense to harm, because if a person is loved, harm of them is inconceivable.

Once hatred is expressed, it is always present.

Only the person who hates themselves can say that they hate another.

The person who is capable of saying that they hate somebody, especially somebody that they claim to love, is a person who is experiencing a living hell. They need a lot of compassion and understanding, and at the same time, can be some of the most difficult to be around.

Being around hatred creates a natural defensive response. It is hurtful to be called “hated”, and nobody wants to feel that way, or to be seen in such a light. Once a person says that they hate you, the possibility of being totally open, vulnerable and intimate with them diminishes. A little bit of something special goes away forever.

Hatred starts within and bubbles outward.

The person who communicates hatred causes harm to everybody around them. Their source of hatred occurs from an emotional disconnect, a betrayal in their past. Like an oil-spill, the toxins that spill from a person who is feeling hatred will poison their whole environment. Their whole life will suffer. To be around a person who hates themselves is exhausting and drains vitality.

Love is the cure.

It is an ideal to believe that love from the outside can cure hatred. It cannot, and never will. Having company of loving people can provide support for diminishing hatred, but the true work must be done within. Only in self-accepting, in bolstering self-esteem and recognizing the divine and noble in-dwelling spirit can hatred subside.

One must face their own self, and discover how to love and accept the humanity within.

Forgiveness for personal traits, expressions, and choices in life is paramount to unveiling self-love. A healthy self-esteem is core for finding balance inside the heart, and this requires honoring the unique and beautiful soul that dwells within.

The person who feels love, can only communicate love.

The person who communicates hate first feels hate. One must choose love, then love replaces hatred. By addressing the underlying feelings, every upwelling expression, word, and action effortless changes. The intention of love is enough to unravel the patterns of self-destructive hate, yet only in its completion of feeling love within does the real alchemy happen.

Believe in love. Allow love. Speak Love. Trust Love. Trust in your Soul. Receive Love. Give Love.

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Assistant Editor: Jane Henderling/Editor: Rachel Nussbaum

Photo: elephant archives