“I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same.”

~ Jodi Picoult

I am realigning my intentions and my affections.

So I think my husband and I will remain friends forever, but we are continuing to shift out of husband and wife and it is an opportunity to truly be a friend.

People change. Sometimes letting go is better than hanging on and knowing what cannot be is just as wise as accepting what is.

Hence, I signed up for an internet dating site.

My first meeting is next weekend—I am kind of excited.

It’s interesting to read people via chat and text. One man insisted I had only now to give him my phone number; I detected neediness and control. Another had a health issue that I would not tell someone I did not know that he shared with me before we even met or talked on the phone.

One said Texas isn’t that far from Maryland.

Some men are older, some are younger. Some are eager. Some are indifferent. Some don’t reply.

All in all, I am comfortable so far, putting myself out there to see what’s what and who’s who.

I have not been in the game in over 16 years and I never did date much. I shopped. I had friends. I hooked up. I fell in love. I had relationships. I had my heart broken several times.

And am ready to risk it all again for the opportunity to share my life with another.

So what do I look for in this process?

I look for nonsmokers who don’t seem needy. I look for men who are independent and want friendship. I am put off by those who address my looks for starters…flattered yes but it’s not really about what anyone looks like as far as I am concerned. Attraction must be there. Chemistry helps. But I find that has little to do with looks. Energy goes deeper than all that. And to me it’s the energy that keeps things going and allows two people to share openly and honestly.

Wish me luck. I am not a young woman but you knew that by now. The good news about being over 50 is the sense of ease at being me I have now that I did not have when I was I younger. And honestly, there is no bad news.

I plan to live past 100 years old and teach as long as I have students.

Namaste, Om Shanti, as we say in Yoga: my heart honors the light in your heart. Peace.

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Editor: Bryonie Wise

Photo: elephant archives