Warning: naughty language ahead!

“Do I consider myself sexy? It all depends on the way I’m feeling. When I’m happy inside, that’s when I feel most sexy.”

~ Anna Kournikova

What makes someone sexy?

Is it having nice abs or a tight ass? Is it always being seen with the hip crowd? Is it being a well-read intellectual? Does it mean living a quiet and humble life? Is it the way one’s nose crinkles when they smile? Is it the passionate way they whisper while making love? Is it the twinkle in someone’s eye?

I would say yes and no to all of these at the same time.

And, my opinions about what traits are sexy to me have changed through the years.

I was much more superficial and into the way someone looked than in the substance of their character when I was young. My feelings have now evolved throughout the years to become the polar opposite of what they once were. Now once I truly know a person and they become dear to me, I can spot what makes them sexy right away.

Once I find a person sexy on a deeper level, I then start to notice all of the little things (such as those listed above)—physical and mental, that I can cherish about them. I also feel that there is a much better chance of having a lasting relationship when one focuses on the deeper levels of what makes another person sexy to them before they are swept away by pure physical attraction alone.

We all have special aspects about us that make us sexy and it doesn’t mean that we need to look one certain way, hang out in one specific crowd, or anything else in particular. I think that coming into your own as a confident person is sexy as hell. Once I become attracted to someone like this, I start finding most everything else about them sexy.

I think being sexy mostly has to do with living your life with passion and honesty.

Our passions can vary greatly from person to person, but I will try to break my opinions down a little, although some of the categories definitely overlap a bit.

And remember that what is sexy about us in everyday life will, without a doubt, transfer to something that will become sexy about us in the bedroom.

1. Honesty.

This trumps just about all else in my book. If someone does not have this one trait, forget it. It will be hard to stay in anything more than a physical relationship with them.

When people are honest, they’re living in the moment which then becomes their past, in natural form. When people are dishonest, they are disturbing the natural order by writing their future—lying fucks up the future in a way that can’t be undone.

An honest person and lover is extremely sexy and the honesty will improve the physical relationship if that is where you are ultimately headed.

2. Ethics.

Understanding another’s truth about how they view the world is important when being able to figure out if they are sexy or not.

I have no feeling that someone is sexy if they have a weak or non-existent moral code.

I can think about this on so many different levels but what comes to mind first are traits like racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. None of these are sexy at all. In fact, they are big turn-offs.

What is super sexy is when someone is willing to go that extra mile and not just hear, say or speak no evil, but to actually stand up to it. I love a person who will take a stand on an issue near and dear to their heart. Yes—this may just be the very definition of sexy.

3. Passion.

I am not talking here about the kind of passion that happens in an intimate relationship, although that is great too. No, I am talking about having a certain joie de vivre for life on a consistent basis.

This can be found happening in as many ways as there are people in the world, but I tend to think of passions for family, friends, work, nature, reading, the community and so on.

Passion does not simply mean being positive all of the time either. No. There are seasons for every emotion that we are given. Being able to really feel them and process them in a positive and productive way that teaches us a lesson is the key.

I will put money on it that if one is passionate about living, this will translate into being a more passionate lover. Passionate people care more deeply about things that get them going and turn them on.

4. Actively using one’s mind.

This may seem evident, as most of us use our minds all of the time, but I am talking about actively learning about new subjects and not staying stagnant mentally.

It doesn’t always have to do with how intelligent a person is either. I have seen many intelligent people who just don’t find interest in learning new things, while I know others who are constantly seeking out new information and pondering different ideas.

I had to laugh when my sister said that if she were on a date, went to said person’s house and didn’t see any books that she would never waste her time even kissing them. I believe if I didn’t see any books or some kind of passionate project going on, I too would feel about the same.

People who are consistently striving to learn more about the things that interest them are attractive. I would put money on it because sex is enjoyable and interesting, and people who are passionate about it will seek out the knowledge they need to become sexier lovers.

5. Manners.

Manners exude sexiness.

A person who is thoughtful of others, knows how to say please and thank you and takes the time to read up on proper etiquette for either daily life or for when traveling is a big turn on.

I think it is a great gauge of how this person is going to treat you during intimate moments as well. Manners are all about being considerate of and respectful towards others. I prefer people who consistently practice being thoughtful and not just to impress others while in public. If a person has no manners, a happy relationship is fairly unlikely.

If you meet someone that doesn’t care how their behavior affects others then run for the hills, because this person is probably not going to exhibit manners or care about you in the bedroom either.

6. Positive outlook.

On this, I can speak from my personal experience.

When I am feeling good, I take more of an interest in my appearance, hold my head up higher, smile and look into other people’s eyes more often.

I can definitely tell the difference in the way I am treated by people in public, as well as by my husband on those days. It is a night and day kind of difference. People buy my coffee for me, open doors for me and smile back at me when I am feeling confident and happy.

And I know that I feel sexier when I am having a day like this. So, put your best self forward, smile and be as sexy as you were born to be!

I can only say what my experience has been in life and what I have learned from others, but if you find a person with all of the above traits, and end up in a relationship with them, you will be blessed with one hell of a sexy partner.

~

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Unsplash; Wikipedia/Brief