I have just returned from the most beautiful beach in Mexico which was also the vacation from hell.

I had to “unplug” for nearly a week, which in yoga-years is like a lifetime of missed opportunity on social media.

OMG! The hotel brochure clearly stated that there was Wi-Fi. It promised, “Guests can enjoy uninterrupted access to the internet from their rooms, the pool or while bobbing in the sea.”

Although I did not plan to post selfies of myself bobbing in the sea, the thought crossed my mind (in a handstand, of course). I saw another guest wade into the water to take a photo of his wife when a huge wave knocked the phone out of his hand. He seemed upset, but I was totally jealous.

You see, my husband read the brochure carefully and apparently all this uninterrupted access cost $20 a day per person, to which he said the two most dreaded words in the English language, “Phones off.”

Whaaaaaaaat? That was not in the marriage pre-nup.

This is what I learned from going unplugged on an isolated beach with six days of perfect weather. It sucks (just a little).

1. Too stressful.

I will never, ever again try to unplug from social media because overall it nearly killed me. How will I know if my Mom is okay if I don’t see the photos of her kittens? Also, anyone with teenagers knows the only way to get them to dinner is to Instagram a photo of it, and they may appear depending on the number of “likes.” My entire family unit was falling apart.

2. Too much time with the family.

Have you seen a teenager without access to the internet? They are very grouchy. There’s all this important stuff they need to know like what everyone else is doing with their vacation. Sheeesh. Can’t they just relax?

3. Being ‘uplugged’ was utterly misleading

Actually, there was a public internet terminal and for $5 you could get 15 Mexican minutes online. You might ask, “What is a Mexican minute?” Apparently at dinner, “just a minute,” might mean an hour. But on the internet a minute was 10 seconds. I would post, “I am having a…” when it would cut off. People were like, what? You are having a cow? You are having a surgery? You are having a pool boy?

4. Too expensive

Being unable to spend countless hours staring at my phone meant I had nothing to do except shop. I am the proud owner of a glass family of whales, pigs and turtles. I have a new bag (surprise!). And a few Mexican blankets. So, if you add this up, I’m sure it comes to much more than $20 a day for internet access.

5. It made me fat

If I could not text, then I could eat, and apparently I spent quite a bit of time at the buffet.

6. I missed this very important story about selfie addiction

Since I’m a yogi, I know this to be true: taking selfies can be an addiction. In six days on a beach I missed the opportunity for at least 17 photos of me in strategic yoga poses that would for sure sell my upcoming yoga retreat. I did manage one measly photo which I had to beg my husband to take. I am standing on my head and screaming, “please take my picture,” because if a yogi stands on her head and nobody sees it, it probably didn’t happen.

Thankfully, he took the picture. Now all I have to do is Photoshop a few waves and you will know that I had the best time ever on a secluded beach in Mexico.

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Editor: Travis May

Photo: Wiki Commons