Dearest Thirty-Something,

I dreamed of seducing you last night.

In the dream, I came by and picked you up in my car, offering a small joint to make you feel at ease and more open to my advances.

On the CD player was a selection of music—an odd mix of powerful, passion-stirring rock and heart-wrenching, soul-touching folk deliberately chosen to evoke a response. I looked at you in the passenger seat, all mine for the evening, and I wondered how I could get close without scaring you away. I wanted to stop the car so I could reach over and touch your face, longing for that first kiss and the feeling of your body against mine. Longing to watch you open under my touch.

And it isn’t the first time I’ve dreamed of you.  In the first dream, it was you who made love to me and it left such a strong impression in its wake that I haven’t been able to look at you the same way since.

To be honest, I have toyed with the idea of doing pretty much exactly what appeared in my dream—minus the joint. I could dress to impress, create the right ambiance and use indirect ways of trying to get what I want. But the more conscious, aware, part of me finds that too dishonest.

And what satisfaction could I possibly get from manipulating you into giving me something you may not really want to offer? How could it be satisfying for me to seduce a lover for a night when they’ve been lured into it by boobs, legs and clever use of music and lighting? I’m sure you’ve been over-exposed, on dating sites and social media, to women deliberately using their physical assets to influence you and it isn’t always easy to know how to respond. It’s not respectful of you nor of the potent power of sexuality. I might get your body for a night by using the same tactic, but what I want is your entire self, open and consciously willing to share.

Not many men are comfortable with a woman looking them straight in the face and saying ‘I find you incredibly attractive.’

But that’s what I’m doing.

I’m being up front about how I feel—although I’m not expecting you to be immediately comfortable with my directness. I do find you attractive. I can’t say it’s always been that way or that it always will be.  Right now, though, there’s something about the way you are, physically and energetically, that is hitting a chord within me and it seems more honest to say it than to play games with you.

When you enter the room, a thrill runs through me.

When you stand next to me, all I can feel is your closeness and the charged air between us.

If I seem not to be listening when you speak, it’s because all my attention has been absorbed by that unspoken energy that surrounds you.

I’m not even sure where the attraction has sprung from. You’re not my normal type, if I can admit to having such a thing. And weeks go by when I don’t think of you until—bam!—another dream hits in the way this one did, as if out of nowhere. The attraction seems to be very much an energetic thing—a reflection of something that is alive in both of us at the moment and just aligning. I don’t know if this is something you understand but please be assured that I’m not simply looking for a cheap thrill. If I was, there are easier ways of getting it.

I had wondered, at first, if it was a sign that something was missing in my own life.

Was I dissatisfied with my relationship? Or bored, perhaps? Or simply horny? The answer these is a definite no and since it keeps turning up in my life, I guess I have to be open to it. There’s just something about you that’s drawing me in – whether it’s about you, about me or a combination of the two, only time will tell.

I’m sorry if this is scaring you. It’s not meant to. I think we could have fun for a while, help each-other along and maybe learn a thing or two about ourselves in the process. I like to pull down walls, to explore and probe, until people open up and reveal themselves.

I’ve found the most meaningful connections happen when two people are willing to be open and vulnerable with one another.  And I know you like to play it safe, holding back, not opening up.  If you’d let me, I’d like to sneak in behind your walls and see what’s in there—help you to express those deeper parts of yourself that get locked away.

In your eyes I see a man who has yet to experience the intense, mind-blowing force that passion can be. When you’re near, I sense a man who longs to be ravaged by love but holds himself back from connection, wary of being drawn into a commitment he can’t keep.

In our world, love and sex are burdened down with expectation and male/female relationships still labor from centuries of mistrust.

How can I tell you in words what a liberating force love and sexuality can be, when experience is the only real teacher? How can I explain that the most transforming relationships set you free rather than bind you, when you believe otherwise? The answer to both of these is that I can’t. But I could take you there and show you, if you would take my hand a while.

I don’t want to lead you astray, though, or to give you the wrong impression. I’m not looking for a boyfriend or a long-term relationship. I’ve barely enough time for everything I’ve already packed into my busy life and I’m not short of a loving, supportive partner to share it with.

Besides, you’re a little too young for me. I have at least a decade on you, and it was a decade that saw the beginning of a fulfilling relationship, two children and a new career. It’s a decade that has made a big difference to who I am, and will likely make a big difference to you  too when you have gone through it.

But I could be your older woman for a while.

Your Maggie May, the one who offers the opportunity and freedom to explore your sexual and emotional depths without heavy expectations. Allow me to push those buttons that are waiting to be pressed—the ones that fry your circuits and push you out of your comfort zone into the dark corridors of lust. Let me be your guide in navigating those as-yet unexplored shadows and in returning safely. I’ve been to those depths in myself and know what power lies there, waiting to be released, but needing mindful awareness in bringing them to the surface.

I could show you, too, how a woman can really make love to a man when she’s comfortable in her own skin. And I could teach you how to touch a woman in a way that she will never forget.

You could learn about jealousy along the way—how to love passionately and not have to own your woman (yes, I know that challenges your conservative notions about what a relationship should be—and that’s okay). I could share with you how I learned to open my heart to my lovers regardless of jealousy, hurt or anger, and how that open-heartedness can create the most amazing connections, no matter how long or how short they are.

These are the gifts of initiation from an older woman to a younger man.

They  are things only an experienced older woman can genuinely know—a woman who has done a journey deep inside herself and come through with understanding and a smile on her face.

And what do I get out of it?

Well, pleasure, of course—that almost goes without saying. The pleasure of your company, your body and of seeing you open up. But I also get to pass to another this gift of deep connection which I was given many years ago, knowing that you would carry it with you into future relationships as a gift to the wider world. And, most of all, I get to express my authentic self and to allow my love to flow openly where it wants to.

So, what do you say? Would you like to take the hand I’m extending and to be open to wherever this connection may lead us? You can, of course, say no.

With respect, love and honesty,

Your potential lover.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Flickr