If we can’t seem to improve our relationships, where is the love?

The real culprit is our energy around love. We’re not looking at love, we’re looking at the lock fear has on our heart.

Our energy is tied to our deeply help beliefs. Need validation? Taking a step back in our relationships or the search for one, can enable us to really understand the truth of what we’re honestly seeking.

We may think we’re ready for a great relationship, but unless we can start to answer “What Would Love Do?” honestly, we’re looking for someone else to be responsible for our feelings.

When we want someone else to show us our value, we’ll end up with the same people teaching us the same lessons, even if they have a different name. Our energy states we don’t value ourselves first, guaranteed the person we’re attracting or with, will show it in their treatment and words toward us.

It’s important to know what’s driving us and that none of this has anything to do with love.

Our core beliefs will usually show up in the form of another person, highlighting what we don’t like about ourselves. We’ll never be perfect nor should we try, because it’ll just lead us to someone who’s almost as critical of us, as the voice in our head.

What would love do?

If we seek love within, through self-acceptance and stop searching for someone else to plug up the holes, it starts to change our energy. We must be patient. The awareness placed on our self-sabotaging thoughts and accepting our flaws and fears, will culminate in us matching energetically more from love, and less from self-abandonment.

Everyone has fears and no one will solve those insecurities for us. A good relationship can help alleviate some of the places we don’t accept ourselves or show us ease, where only difficulty has been in the past. A shitty relationship can help us get to know ourselves on a very deep level, because of the way it constantly pokes at us, wanting us to realize our gifts.

Painful relationships can actually open us to a major opportunity in love.

We can self-abandon before this person abandons us, or not.

We may believe we have no value, worth or hold anything within ourselves to make this other person happy. They’re more important or worthy in our eyes. In turn, we will degrade our own needs and continue to fall into self-abandonment. Therefore, when someone abandons us, we won’t be surprised; we knew it would happen! We sabotaged it from the beginning when we made the relationship all about the other person and their happiness, rather than our authentic selves and real love.

Our other choice is not to self-abandon—it’s to learn to love ourselves enough, to get we have value. To understand we’re worth it. It’s not a flip of the switch and we wake up with sunbeams coming out of our eyes, it’s a slow process.

When we find ourselves in the familiar constraints of a painful relationship, the best question to ask ourselves is, “What would love do?”

When this question is applied directly to us, it can feel like the last thing we want to answer! But, it’s the most amazing thing we can ever do, when we’re in pain, anger or frustration. Our energy at that moment is not love, it’s protection, distrust, unworthiness, etc…and when we take action on that question, by answering it and applying it inward and then outward, a miracle happens.

As vulnerable and fearful of losing control as we may feel, in answering the question, we’re opening a door and releasing the lock these beliefs have on our heart and shifting our energy. Now is an opportunity for us to ask the question: what does it feel like to open to love when we’re used to shutting down? How much softer, loving and less-stressed do we really feel?

Partners show us what we’re actually capable of doing in terms of a relationship right now.

They show our ability to give and receive, they show our fears and attachment to beliefs, they show our love and our joy too. Wherever that person stands is where we stand too.

Once we start answering “What would love do?” from the deepest part of our heart, we will see the difference in our energy, and the reactions to us will change too. When we treat the person in front of us, not as an enemy, but as a beloved, as all humans are, we shift our inner beliefs.

We begin to live from a more authentic place joined with love, attracting people and situations to our lives, rather than the energy of fear.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Marcee Murray King