Student: It’s too hot in hot yoga class.

Teacher: It’s actually Warm Yoga

and it’s 82 degrees. Hot Yoga is usually 

105.

Student: I’m sweaty. I never sweat

in my Hot Yoga class.

Look, I’m practically sticky!

Speaking of which—and I’m not a complainer—

your sticky mats aren’t sticky at all.

They’re slippery mats

 And you have too many people in class. I like

room to move.

 What is the thing painted on the wall? It’s weird,

like a wild animal.

Teacher: They are the Chakras.

Student: Too many colors.

Where I come from we’d think

that’s scary and not peaceful.

Why did you talk a different language?

Teacher: Those are the name of the poses in Sanskrit.

Student: It was disturbing—at least it distracted

me from the music. We’re American. We should

be proud of our language and our music.

I know we’re in California and all but still.

 If I come back can we put on American music?

Country would get us moving.

Teacher: Well..

Student: You don’t dance at all in class?

No getting down, huh?

And what about iced-chai breaks—you said

in class we could take some sips of water

but don’t you think lattes are more

modern? Yoga’s modern, hip.

 I think if Jesus were alive today doing yoga

he’d have us all take a few breaks for lattes

and some Miranda Lambert.

Yoga shouldn’t be so quiet and deep and

all yoga-y.

Teacher:  Om.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editor: Travis May

Photo: Pixoto/David Lackey