Editor’s note: This article contains adult language.

At the ripe old age of 45, I have learned a thing or two.

One of those things, which I love dearly, is the art of the blowjob.

But I was not born knowing. This is a skill that I have developed over 20 long years of practice, research and reflection. I have asked men and women alike for assistance. I have been taught by some of the best, and underneath it all has been an ardent desire to learn.

It came about many years ago, when I was married. My wasband had a very hard time coming to orgasm, to the point that I would regularly spend two hours or so on his most important member (MIM) so that he could get there.

At first, I viewed this as work. I had always liked it before, but really, two hours on my knees? Working my jaw like a teenage girl with too much gum? Geezus. I would labor through the process, very often feeling resentful and angry by the end. As time went by, the more I saw this act as hard labor, the less effective it became. I quickly realized that if I did not truly enjoy what I was doing, neither would he.

I had put myself on this path; I had committed to him and myself that I would put the effort in. I started reading books, talking with experts, and researching articles by people who gave excellent head. The common theme that quickly emerged was that every article and book I read was written from the point of view of someone who truly loved it. I realized that the key to giving good head was to truly love it.

So I decided that I would love everything about giving excellent head, view it as a way to be closer to my man and please him like no one else could. I would view it as a way to grow spiritually, to choose my thoughts about the act instead of reacting to my physical suffering around it.

It worked. The more I loved it, the more he loved it. It quickly became our favorite thing. I would offer to do it every morning when we got up, and told him I needed to “practice” getting better at it. I had successfully turned an act which I loathed into one I loved, simply by changing my mind. Needless to say, he was pleased as well.

Six years later, our marriage ended, (improving my skills and mindset did not solve every problem, I guess), but I had worked so hard at directing my thoughts, so hard at sharpening my skills, that I emerged with a great love for the act. I carried this experience forward to other areas of my life. I came to love more things in my life simply because I decided to. Unpleasant situations became opportunities to practice choosing my thoughts around it. Unpleasant people become challenges for me to practice compassion.

I look back now and see how that simple change of mindset around blowjobs changed my life. I am better at work, better at art, better in relationships. I have decided that I can love anything if I can love blowjobs. Except liver. That is still one thing I am having a really hard time loving.

Relephant bonus:

Relephant:

Oral Sex Redefined: The Art of Sexspeak. {Adult}

Imagine a society where sexuality is an acceptable part of everyday culture. ~ Candice Holdorf

10 Mindful New Year’s Resolutions worthy of the Buddha, Jesus, Mandela, yo’mama.

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Author: Sara Young

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Wikipedia