Dreaded ego of mine, we need to talk.

I’m tired of being afraid about nothing.

Fears are very real. Or they feel real. They pretend to be real. Fears aren’t what I thought they were, anymore.

I’m tired of being afraid about nothing.

I was born out of love, from love, and in love. I was born to be in love with breath, to be guided by the spring breeze, and to move to the heartbeat of the earth with every barefooted step I take on my path. I was born to be a messenger of love to the moon and sun as we dance our own parts in this universe. I was born to be a gypsy, wild and free, bearing my soul to the world.

But, somewhere along the way, I put on shoes and began to build walls.

I’m tired of being afraid about nothing.

You told me those walls would protect me from the bad things in the world, but that walls only trapped the shadows in with me.

Where my footsteps once echoed the same beat of the earth’s heart, now I tip toe along the busy streets, trying to silence the sound of my boots. I’m afraid waking the shadows, of being attacked by the voices in my head.

I’m tired of being afraid about nothing.

You rip me down and tear me up so I build tighter walls, that only lock you in with me. We are alone together, alone with those hateful thoughts, and I seclude myself even more, trying to hide from what you tell me is true.

But somehow my feet brought me to my own reflection. Looking in that mirror, peering into the depths of my soul, I see myself for who I am without the walls.

I’m tired of being afraid about nothing.

My fears aren’t real. They are your cruel attempt at keeping me stagnant, in the shadows. You want me to fail. You want me to be sad. You want me to be alone, with you.

I’m tired.

I’m still scared, but not of nothing. My only fear is that I will never feel the grass under my toes or the breeze in my hair.

And that fear isn’t real anymore, either, as I leave the shadows.

I built a door with my hope and I walk through it, looking for the love and light that has been waiting for me to return. It never left me, like you said.

I’m tired of being afraid about nothing, so I open my arms to the sky and let the warmth of the sun shine down on my face. I twirl in the yard and kick off my shoes, spreading my toes wide in the soil and I am once again home.

The light above me is the truth. It is the only true there is.

Darkness cannot exist in the presence of light.

Fear cannot exist in the presence of love.

For so long, I clung to the very thing that was attracting the shadows towards me and now I am ready to bear my soul to the world, without my walls.

Goodbye ego, we are done.

Hello world, I am love.

Relephant: 

A Break Up Letter to My Ego.

Author: Stacy Porter 

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: via the author