I have become completely enamoured with the prospect of consistently and constantly increasing the consciousness in all aspect of my life.

To me, acting in a conscious way simply means being aware of the why, how, who, what, where of any action. The more awareness I can bring to my actions and interactions the more choice I seem to have and simultaneously the less attached I seem to be, which results in considerably more levity and playfulness.

What happens when I bring that same consciousness to the act of seduction and, even better, am met by another with equal capacity for awareness?

Seduction is an interesting phenomena. Essentially it is a human courting ritual. Rather than tandem trilling songs to one another like birds, slow motion racing through the treetops like a sloth, the exuberant chase of squirrels or any of the other myriad ways animals court, we, as humans, have a whole elaborate sequence of behaviour that moves us from strangers to lovers (mating pairs).

What I only recently started unveiling is the completely dual nature of a seduction. Somehow for a long time I assumed it was me, as a man, seducing a woman. This idea was probably not helped by the investment I once put into literature on ‘pick up’ or manipulative seduction techniques. In some way these techniques, at their most crude, are a way of a man consciously activating and manipulating a woman’s subconscious in a way that would guide her towards sex.

A lot of the time it worked: there are cues in the subconscious of both men and women that when pulled upon can get us to hypnotically engage in behaviour we would otherwise not. This is the realm of the con-man or huckster.

I’m not interested in that anymore, at all.

When a seduction is coming from a place of mutual consent it becomes a dance. A woman’s light touches, suggestive smiles, laughs and compliments are all ways of her seducing a man even though they may look considerably passive at times, I have discovered that they most certainly are not. Or, depending on her disposition, she may challenge the man fiercely testing to see if he is capable of handling the fullness of her which is also, in a way, a form of seduction. When this is coupled with a man’s confident advances, coy smiles, use of varying physical proximity, tone, pitch and pacing of voice it can be quite an exciting dance indeed.

What are the emotional sensations of being within a seduction? Maybe butterflies, a strongly beating heart, warm flushes through the body, tingles in the arms or legs, a sense of anticipation. What I get interested in is how much can I delight in that anticipation?

How much can I draw it out, play with it, heighten it, move it?

What I get even more curious by is what happens if we make the entire seduction event explicit? If we both know that we are engaged in the process of seducing one another, and we both know that we both know?

As I presented my ideas and experiences about this with friends I was first met with objections. “It would destroy the mystery and anticipation” they said. And true, in some way to engage with more explicitness and transparency about our desires does shatter the childish games of veiled intentions, validation and power plays with the somewhat crude sort of thrill that brings.

Yet if anything I have discovered that bringing more awareness and authenticity to all aspects of relationship, including the dance of seduction, can actually considerably heighten all of those juicy and delicious feelings of anticipation, desire and excitement. The pleasures of relating in this way are much more subtle yet, like a gourmet wine taster, the refinement of our sensory palate through awareness based intention allows the subtleties to explode into a myriad of delicate distinctions.

To play with these ideas, to make our seductions conscious is to bring a vulnerable transparency to our agenda. To playfully let the other know that our intent is to seduce them and for them to let us know in return that they wish to also seduce and be seduced. It’s all usually pretty obvious any way despite playing it cool, so why not do away with the facade and engage the dance willingly and consciously? And just because we know that consent is given, that the seductive dance is mutually desired does not mean in any way whatsoever that we must race to the bedroom (although that could totally be an option). We have the choice, depending on our individual desires and personalities, to play and draw it out as much as possible together, with awareness.

Even over days, weeks and our whole life if that is what we want.

Relephant:

6 Reasons She’s Not Initiating Sex. {Adult}

Author: Damien Bohler

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: thatsbreathtaking at Flickr 

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