Warning: there’s a ‘lil naughty language below! 

From the time we are born we are taught to be kind and gentle, sweet and serene, passive and docile.

Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of…

Try to say that with a straight face if you’ve ever raised little girls or, if you’ve ever been one.

It’s not always easy to defy a proper, feminine upbringing and emerge strong, confident women. While society is indeed changing we are still taught through television, advertising and now even social media that we are not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not young enough, not tan enough, not curly enough, not straight enough, not enough of this, not enough of that.

Todays girls do, thankfully have many strong female roll models. Women who stand up and speak. Women who know who they are and stand tall and proud. Women with power yielded with gentle hands.

Women who say no.

There are many, many women to look to but we have a long way to go. The simple fact that most women feel that in order to be “enough” we need to wear make up, cover the grey, spend fortunes at the gym in eighty dollar yoga pants. We shave and pluck and tweeze and wax and diet and get surgeries because we are taught that we are not good enough without a little help. Or a lot of help and saying “no” is still hard for many women.

Despite the changes that have taken place over the years women are are still defined by our sexuality and we are still expected to be made of sugar and spice and everything nice and we are still expected to behave in very particular ways.

We might be getting tattoos and showing more flesh, wearing sweat pants that say “Princess” across the back side and leaving our husbands and we might sometimes stand up for ourselves and our daughters but we are still expected by the bulk of society to do so quietly and with a smile on our faces.

If we say “yes” to many times we are whores but if we say “No” we are teases. We behave the way we think we are suppose to. We stay in relationships that don’t satisfy us because we are suppose to. We avoid relationships that excite us because we are suppose to. If we don’t speak up we risk abuse. If we do we are rebels, bitches.

We’re damned if we do, damned if we don’t—so we might as well follow our wild hearts.

I hope there are people who call me B*tch. God I hope so.

Some of the words Websters uses in the description of the word Bitch are: Immoral, spiteful, overbearing woman. Difficult, objectionable or unpleasant. My translation is: A free, empowered woman who has emotions, speaks her mind and takes actions which might be unpleasant and difficult for others.

The women I respect and admire the most and the woman I hope my daughters and grand daughters grow to be are strong and confident.

Not because they view themselves as better than others but because they have been through some shit and they have learned from it. They have experience which breeds confidence.

They know they are worthy because they are good, honest people.

They don’t run away or hide from life but they do walk away when they need to and they do it with their heads held high.

They kiss who they want and they love who they love.

They speak up. They have opinions. They are educated.

They work hard and play hard and love fiercely and faithfully.

They file complaints and change the rules.

They forge strong bonds with other women because they believe that together we do stand.

Their curiosity overrides their fear – they explore. They grow.

They make love shamelessly and wildly.

They laugh. Loud sometimes.

They let their hair down and go barefoot.

They drink whiskey and beer and wine or… they don’t and they drink tea instead.

They wear makeup and fancy yoga pants only if they want to.

They express their feelings. They cry and sometimes they yell.

They say no. 

They say yes.

They don’t need a man but if they choose one they expect to be treated as an equal.

They stand up for what they believe in and they teach their daughters to do the same.

They are kind and loving and generous and compassionate and understanding. They listen. They respect. They learn. They appreciate. They are humble.

And yes, they are bitches. Strong, free, confident, secure, big hearted, busy minded, big mouthed bitches who know that fear is just as much a part of life as breath so they don’t let it stop them. They, despite the lumps in their throats speak their truth and despite the weakness in their knees, stand solid and they, these women I admire who wear the word Bitch with pride…They get things done, they make things happen and they don’t take any shit while they are doing it.

The new age has been telling us to embrace our inner child but my inner child had a hard time standing up for herself. Her voice took years to develop, she did what she was told and believed what she was taught to believe-like it or not. She spent hours in front of a mirror so she could look the way she was suppose to, she was bullied in middle school and kissed by boys she didn’t really want to kiss because no was to hard to say.

Yeah, I might embrace my inner child, she deserves it, but I’m going to do so with the strong arms of my inner bitch because I trust her.

Relephant: 

Go Ahead, Call Me a Bitch.

Author: Kimby Maxson

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: Wikimedia