“Mom, that’s inappropriate,” my 16-year-old niece said to her mother at a graduation party as she tied the top of her peasant style blouse that had come loose and was showing cleavage.

“Cover yourself,” she said, and pointed to me, “Like Auntie C.”

I was wearing a tank top under a t-shirt because it had been chilly that morning and wanted an extra layer.

“I have nothing here to cover,” I said “so it’s not hard to be modest.”

“That’s so sad,” my niece sad and walked off.

I laughed.

I wasn’t sad at all. I love my breasts. I’ve always felt big boobs were a burden, cumbersome like an extra bag of groceries that have to be lugged everywhere.

My modest-sized boobs fit anywhere in almost anything. They can be pushed or pulled in or out. They never hurt my back or shoulders or make bra straps dig into me. They don’t hit me in the face or chin when I run.

I love my breasts and never gloated but feel they are ideal. I’m sure if I had big ones I’d love them as well and find their joys of plenty. My niece has pride in her bigger rack and feels badly for women less endowed…which made me realized that I rarely hear boob pride or joy in conversations with and among women.

I’m going to change my attitude about breasts and get some boob-a-tude!

Cleavage and skin is splashed everyone for selling products or concepts. Tits and a** usually are used as objects instead of being discussed as parts of our actual bodies.

Why do I have so little in my own owner’s manual? Why don’t I know what’s under the hood of my super selling objectified body parts?

I’m flooded with breast and skin images but not nearly as much information. It made me curious about the unsexed facts about breasts. I decided to start at the tip and educate myself about nipples. Here are some simple facts that don’t always get covered in magazines or during mammograms.

Nipples can change color.

Not from blue to green. However, the area around the nipple (the areola) can start as either red, brown or pink in appearance and can become darker when taking contraception or during pregnancy.

Erect nipples aren’t always excited.

Sometimes erect nipples are just cold or reacting touching fabric. It’s possible to be sexually excited and for nipples not to be erect.

10 to 20 percent of women have inverted nipples. 

An inverted nipple doesn’t stick out. In fact, it might be flush or push inward as a result of shorter milk-bearing ducts in the breast attached to the nipple. There are ways, especially for breastfeeding women to help stretch the tissue so nipples protrude more to make breastfeeding less difficult. However, there is nothing unhealthy about inverted nipples.

Hairy nipples are normal. 

“Sometimes a woman will have darker hairs that look almost like little eye lashes on the outer edge of the areola,” I read on MY UMBC website. Nip-lash anyone? If they appear on the areolae and we don’t like them we can remove them. But it’s best to do with scissors because shaving or plucking can cause infection, be painful and who wants ingrown nipple hair?

Nipple orgasms happen.

WebMd says “Nipplegasms” are real” and “this means that for some women, getting to second base is as much fun as going to home plate.” However, nipples, especially when erect (hard) can feel so sensitive for some so it’s not always pleasurable to have them touched. We can explore type and amount of twist, stroke or touch when alone and let a partner know our preferences our own breasts can sexy to our lovers as well as us.

As Teri Hatcher’s character said, when she appeared on a hilarious episode of Seinfeld:

“And by the way, they’re real and they’re spectacular.”

And mine.

What if we all had such boob-a-tude? What if we all regarded our “girls” as any good mom does, with pride, pleasure and acceptance rather than comparison?

It makes my nipples hard just feeling such pride and ownership.

Sources:

Web MD

My UMBC website

Women’s Health Concern website

**

Relephant: 

Boobies are Beautiful—all Around the World.

Did you know? Wearing a Bra is not one of the 5 Biggest Factors affecting Breast Ptosis.

Relephant bonus: Speaking of nipple orgasms, this is how we can enlighten our sex life:

Author: Cissy White 

Editor: Renee Picard 

Image: Wikimedia Commons