We start with a shattered broken heart.

Is there anything as human as that broken heart? “No,” will be my answer.

Perhaps the reason why we humans err so much is because we have a need to feel. To me that’s clear now. I used to see love as something self-centred, an egoistic emotion and for that I was a failure as a lover.

For starters, a quote (truly meaningful to me) from Jack Kerouac in a letter to Allen Ginsberg, September, 1948:

“Men cannot know what it is to be together without otherwise knowing what it is to be apart. If all the world were love, then, how could love exist? This is why we turn away from each other on moments of great happiness and closeness. How can we know happiness and closeness without contrasting them, like lights?”

This is beautiful. And how I wish I’ve known this long before. Maybe I couldn’t. Maybe I had to know loss and pain to see things differently, like I do now.

Back to that broken heart: “Gosh I’m so heartbroken; all I can do is cry…” Ever heard that one?

We know that it’s hard to deal with our feelings when we’re fighting against an open wound in our chest. Never does a fatalistic destiny seem so clear to us: “This is it. I won’t ever be able to love again.” During that time we found it hard to distinguish things, hard to understand, to believe. Even to breathe. We just dive in, deeper and deeper until there’s nothing left but a collection of tears, as a friend once described. Bursting into tears.

We lay in our beds hoping for a change. Hoping and wishing the sun would be shining bright in our direction one more impossible time. Yes I’ve been there—emerged in that weakness—and no matter what people say, we just keep looking for answers to: Where did it go wrong? Was it my fault? Why this happened? Do I deserve this life? What the hell I’m doing here? And finally: Why me?

At this sad time in which our beliefs are in the threshold of uncertainty we need to have someone or something to rely on—you can call it a “safe house.” For instance: family, closest friends. Music, rusty guitars screaming for you, painting, a trip, yoga. But above all we need to raise the white flag and scream for help. Scream for help! Please be brave enough to say: “I need help!” We are not super heroes, it doesn’t matter what our wishful thinking may say, we’re not.

And, finally, the ultimate need: Time. We need time to find in ourselves strength to say: F*ck it—that person doesn’t deserve my grief! Wish you well, but f*ck it; I need myself now. Liberate your frustrations. Remember you have yourself and your beloved ones. The ones that won’t fail you ever.

And so we need to choke back the tears in order to become ourselves again. We need to pull us back and say: I am mine again! And shout out loud: I’m my own box and I’m able to love. To love again!

Here is a reminder of something you already know: Love. The meaning of all this, right? Being in love, well…
Who could possibly deny that those were the times we felt most alive?

Love is the cause of “the greatest joy and sadness,” said a poet.

My point: In the everlasting quest for our happiness some pricks will inevitably be along the path. Inevitably, I’m telling you. People will come and people will go. And only a very few will make real difference. We could promise wanting to love someone for eternity, but we can’t ultimately control falling out of love any more than we can control falling in love. Scary? Maybe, but we must be aware of this uncertainty in life, beyond human will or control, and live our best life.

In order to chase our dreams we must take risks. We must let go and take a chance and let people know us. Although before that we must value ourselves. Please realize your uniqueness. We all carry uniqueness. Please bear in mind how special you are and find someone who sees that. And leave away those who spend more time breaking hearts than cheering them.

My message to you:

Don’t keep a broken heart. Go the other way and find someone who loves you as much as you do. Love yourself. Use your beautiful life. Live it. Make others happy. One thing that we have is time. We are very young. We shouldn’t hurry in life nor rush our youth. Therefore don’t worry: sooner or later you’ll be on the right track. Time. You still don’t believe it? Your scars will certainly heal and you’ll be able to love again. Until then, live. Live life like you’re going to die…because we all will. There’s no running away from that.

I can tell you. When the love of my life (my fiancée) broke up with me I felt like dying. Now, a few years later, I can still love her (in a different kind of way I think—maybe that’s true love). She’s happy. I’ve met another beautiful person and I’m happy too. I feel now the energy of life surrounding me. And do you want to know something that makes me at peace? Everything changes—and I can finally live with that, embracing life, amusing myself and really connecting myself to others.

Relephant:

How to Recover From a Break Up the Healthy Way.

~

Author: Eduardo Cruz

Editor: Travis May

Photo: galleryhip.com