Do you fear being judged as “not good enough?”

If you’re someone who feels the need to present a façade of perfection to the world in everything that you do, who fears the judgmental condemnation of your friends, family and peers for anything less and who has let that fear prevent you from pursuing your dreams, then this is for you.

For me, that fear has been present since childhood.

My parents, first generation immigrants from China, knew only one way to the American Dream—that of getting into a top-tier college and landing a good job afterwards—and they were determined to secure it for their children.

To that end, they budgeted ruthlessly to be able to afford the endless private lessons and programs needed to give their children the best chance possible at realizing that dream.

Watching the sacrifices my parents made for my sister and I, I knew one thing with absolute conviction: I could not fail. Because only from succeeding could I ever begin to repay the mother and father who’d given me their everything.

In the beginning, that fear helped me succeed by societal definitions.

My youthful mind equated perfection with my only shot at success, so I strove relentlessly for an immaculate record that would be any admissions officer’s fantasy.

Thankfully, it paid off. Off I went to Princeton, having successfully passed the first marker on my way to the Dream.

I had barely unpacked my bags before I was racing toward that first internship and then that first job. Again, it paid off, and upon graduation I began my climb up the corporate ladder.

Without stopping to take a breath, I continued at breakneck speed and within five years had reached six-figures and middle management.

That’s when it hit me. Having realized the Dream so much faster than I or my parents had dared hope for, I was utterly unhappy. My ambition for financial freedom was stronger than ever, but I knew that I didn’t want to achieve it through decades of navigating within the strict confines of corporate America.

So I turned my energies to entrepreneurship.

But the fear that had served me so well within the well-defined walls of America’s cubicle nation was my greatest weakness in creating my dreams outside of it.

When I first started my business, I thought I was doing something brave in pursuing my dreams. What I didn’t realize though, was that I was actually scared out of my mind.

I was scared of disappointing my parents who didn’t understand why their up-until-now perfect daughter would want to “throw away” everything she’d achieved for what they viewed as a fantasy. I was scared of the unknownness of a path that was not predefined and didn’t have set benchmarks for “success.”

And more than anything, I was scared of being seen by everyone (even strangers) as less than perfect, of being judged as “not good enough,” and of being mocked as the once-envied success who threw everything away for a pipe dream.

Because of those fears, my business floundered. I sat back and convinced myself that I was being a courageous entrepreneur when in fact, I hid. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing, I didn’t try to make sales or find clients and the only marketing I did was through impersonal social media ads. I was up to my eyeballs in debt, I wasn’t making enough to sustain my business and my life was crashing down around me.

Then, in literally the blink of an eye, it all changed.

I want to share with you the powerful shift that completely turned my life and business around.

Attending a conference with some of the most successful, high-profile women in the online business world, I was stoked by all of the strategic takeaways I was sure to get from their talks.

However, my biggest takeaway was far less tangible and far more valuable. Watching the successful women giving advice from the podium to those who waited in long lines to ask for it, I realized that only one thing separated those on stage from those off stage.

It wasn’t knowledge or time or talent or luck.

It was fear. Or rather, the ability and willingness to act despite it.

In that moment, I was struck by a fear greater than any I’d ever known—the fear of failing. Because I knew I wasn’t acting like those women who put themselves out there no matter what without even pretending at perfection.

I never want to be that struggling businesswoman whose business appears glamorous and seductive on the outside but who is in truth barely breaking even. Who can’t afford to take care of her family or live the life she created her business in the first place to be able to live.

And that fear of not having my dream business and life, of not being able to provide the life I’d envisioned for my loved ones—that was far more powerful to me than the fear of stepping out of my comfort zone and the fear of being judged as not good enough.

Fast forward to today, and not only is my business more successful than ever, but I’m also finally at peace with myself. I feel fulfilled, happy and possibly even more importantly, unafraid of being imperfect.

I want to share with you the most important steps I took along the way in the hopes that they will help you as well:

Ask yourself if you are truly happy, fulfilled and at peace.

If the answer is no, then what do you need to do to feel that way?

1. Recognize your fears.

Walking away from what you know and from what others might think is your best life can be overwhelmingly scary. Recognize that and don’t use it as an excuse for inaction.

2. Determine your “why.”

Why do you want this different and better version of your life? Your why is a powerful magnetic force that’ll guide you toward what you want when you are tempted to turn back to what is safe.

Compare the fear of not achieving your goals vs. your current fears.

Write down your current fears of failing, of not being good enough, of breaking free from that Perfect You mold and compare those to your fear of not achieving your goals and of not realizing your “why.” Feel into which is greater—your current fears or your fear of not living a life that satisfies your “why” and leaves you feeling happy and fulfilled.

3. Have Faith.

This is a journey, and potentially a long one at that. Have faith though, that you will be guided to your destination as long as you continue towards it.

While everyone’s journey will be a bit different, I truly believe that these are the most important steps for overcoming the lessons that have been instilled in us by our society so that we can live the lives that we actually want for ourselves.

Try these steps and come back here to share your stories with us. I truly want to know. Having struggled for so long with fear before finally overcoming it, there’s nothing I want more than to have you join me.

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Author: Luisa Zhou

Editor: Alli Sarazen

Photo: Sasha Kolhmann/Flickr