Last night, I met a beautiful human.

As soon as I noticed her I knew I had to meet her.

I could feel my mind wanting to pull me out of this perfect present moment from the very first second.

My brain said alot of really bizarre things…

“She’s out of your league.”

“That guy that she just started talking to is probably her boyfriend.”

“You’re feeling tired, you should probably just relax.”

About 15 minutes later, I excused myself from a conversation to go let her know how amazing I felt when she walked into the venue…

And as I walked toward her, another person at the party engaged with me.

Within minutes, he was mentioning to me about this experience he had where his heart was ripped wide open by a woman, where he was able to be more open and honest than he’s ever been.

He explained that for most of his life, dating and relationships felt transactional and there always felt to be a slight “wall” that he and the women he dated put up.

(Me, nodding my head in complete agreement…)

This got me thinking about my most recent commitment since coming to Bali—to fully show up, share what’s true for me, follow my desires, and expose any parts of me that I’ve hidden in the past.

(Big breathe of air as I write this part.)

Shame.

That’s the part of us that we don’t want others to know about.

It’s the part that keeps us from deeply connecting with others without the barriers that we put up to “protect us.”

These are the same walls that keep us trapped.

So after he finished sharing, I mentioned to him where I was intending on going before running into him.

This was the perfect conversation to have as I was on my way to experience the uncertainty that lay before me.

The voices in my head got really quite.

“Does she like me?” fell to the side.

“Am I good enough?” was barely a thought.

Instead, the conversation went back to the initial question a number of times: “What would you say  if you weren’t afraid?”

So I told her that I felt drawn to her. I mentioned to her that this feels really edgy for me to not withhold my desires. I shared with her how much I’ve been hiding from going “all in” with women that I’m attracted to.

This was followed with her sharing with me how she’s afraid of falling in love and her asking me one of the boldest questions any woman has ever asked me….

“When did you first feel like you wanted to kiss me tonight?” I took a deep breathe and answered. Just after, we danced and talked more about love, not having expectations, living for this moment, what we’re most insecure about, and the darker parts of us that we’re willing to let the light shine on.

We also laughed. I’m learning more about myself through this woman than I ever could on my own.

Every connection like this feels like a two week self-development retreat. Every moment I have where I say what I’m afraid to say creates this edgy and expansive feeling in my body. And it all starts from saying what I’m afraid to say.

These experiences are created from entering the cave that we fear most, where the true treasures lie. 

So what would you say if you weren’t afraid? 

What would you say if you weren’t afraid?

I dare you to share.

~

Author: Josh Barad

Editor: Caroline Beaton

Photo: Flickr