Charming. Witty. Funny. Charismatic. When meeting a new person, friendships can develop quickly. Sometimes drama begins to happen, and it’s bewildering.

Before the arrival of such a person, a peaceful calm life. After their arrival, chaos.

What happened? One has brought a drama queen, toxic personality, into their life.

Quickly identifying traits of drama queens and setting strong boundaries can preserve one’s sanity and serenity.

The crux is noticing the traits of a drama queen early and taking immediate action to set clear, strong boundaries. The key decision is how to associate with such a person. One option is to completely disassociate and withdraw from them.

1. Dramatic people complain about drama and dramatic people.

In my experience, people who have lives and stability talk about their families, lives and work in constructive ways. Their days are focused on life and real world issues.

Only people who create and live in the midst of drama focus on how horrible drama is and are expressive about how much they hate drama and dramatic people.

Any time a person complains about drama, take note.

2. Dramatic personalities gossip about others.

When a person doesn’t have a life, they focus on other people and their faults, traits and shortcomings to build up their own sense of identity. Nobody is outside their sphere of attack.

3. Drama queens are quick to denigrate, demean and ridicule others.

In a drama queen’s perspective, it is obviously the other person who is at fault for making drama and problems; the drama queen never is. To defend their fragile egos, putting the blame on others is the prime defense mechanism.

Take note of someone who never takes responsibility for their words or actions. It’s a person who cannot have open, direct communication.

4. Drama queens enlist others in tearing down their targets.

Without having true creative outlets and relationships, drama queens build relationship bonds with people who share in their negativity; people who join in on name calling, shaming and guilting make the best companions for drama queens. An experience comes to mind of a woman who tried to have a room full of people call her ex names.

Anyone who builds relationships on tearing people down is not a safe person for a trusting relationship.

5. Words and actions do not align for drama queens.

Saying one thing and doing another, drama queens excel at bewildering the people around them. When called on it, a drama queen will insist on how its the other person’s problem.

The basis of any stable relationship is trust and security. How trustworthy is a person who says one thing and does another?

6. Drama queens are evasive and convincing.

Emotionally unavailable, the dramatic personality will squirm, hide and do anything to not have to look at their own self or take responsibility. The drama queen is often unable to see how they are the cause of their own problems, and will subconsciously or consciously do anything to avoid the truth.

Justifying actions with biblical knowledge, new age philosophies and cereal box religions is a highlight of people who are unable to have an open, heart-to-heart communication.

7. Most importantly, drama queens have lives full of drama.

The most identifying trait is the presence of drama. Life offers real challenges; it is human to struggle and be dramatic about it. Grief, trauma and the intensities of life are shocking and can appear to be drama.

But a drama queen takes it to the next level.

Molehills become mountains. Nothing becomes the focus of conversations based on delusion. And suddenly one is exhausted, bewildered and confused, having no resources to face the authentic needs of daily life.

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In life, there are choices.

Who a person associates with is one of the most important decisions to make. People influence us. Drama queens can be wonderful people, yet one must consider the stress created by such individuals.

There is a world full of people with whom to relate.

Make the choice to be with people who soothe the soul, nurture the mind, and when in their presence, one feels calm and safe. Make the choice to be with people who can be trusted.

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Author: Keith Artisan

Editor: Caroline Beaton 

Image: Public domain/Flickr

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