I loved him. I really did.

I loved him the way we love our favorite ice cream. It’s the best and we want it all the time, sometimes for breakfast, but that’s not what’s best for our bodies.

I loved him the way we love our favorite t-shirt. We love the way it feels on our skin and we can’t let it go, even though there are holes in it.

I loved him the way we love watching a scary movie. We care about the main character so much and we are screaming at her not to go into the room, but she does and our heart breaks. It’s painful to watch but we go to the theater again.

I loved him the way we love in a fairy tale, a love that’s not real.

I loved him more than I loved myself.

I loved him the way I thought love was, but now know wasn’t.

Love doesn’t hurt.

Love is not addictive.

Love doesn’t change its mind over and over again like we did.

We’d break up and get back together again. Over and over for years.

We’d have epic weekends, when everything would be great but then I’d get on the plane to come home, because we thought long distance would work. I would be faced to look at the reality of the situation I had created and how this person, this amazing man, would never give me what I wanted.

I was addicted to pain.

I secretly liked it. It was easier. I could blame him for the way I felt rather than own that I needed his love to survive and to breathe.

We finally came to the end. I was able to leave and I learned that love is not enough.

I learned what love is, through what love is not. I imagine many of us have had this experience.

In leaving him, I found myself.

In his refusal to commit to me, I committed to myself.

In losing his love, I found the love within myself, a love that never leaves.

After months of finding self-love, of learning what it really takes in order to choose a life partner (oh, and that’s what we do, we choose a partner) I found my life partner.

The man who loves me no matter what.

The man whose love I am not dependent on.

The man whose love feels good.

The man who makes me feel free.

The man who I love just as much as I love myself.

The man who commits to me the same depth as I am committed to myself.

The man who is so committed to me, he asked me to marry him and I said, “yes.”

The man who shares the same vision as me, who wants what I want—a life beyond our wildest dreams.

The man who loves himself and knows he deserves me as much as I deserve him.

The man who loves me in the way I always believed I could be loved, but wasn’t ready to receive, until now.

Love is not enough for a lasting relationship.

It doesn’t matter how much we love each other, if we’re not the right fit. If we don’t share the same vision, if we’re not willing to commit to each other, willing to fight for each other. It doesn’t matter how much we love if we’re not friends. A true, lasting relationship is built on much more than just love.

When our heart is full we can choose from fulfillment rather than need.

Choose the love that feels good every day.

Choose to marry the person who chooses us always.

Choose to discover the love within, that will never leave.

Choose to believe in true love.

~

Relephant:

Love Alone is Not Enough. 

Author: Catherine Hummel

Assistant Editor: Brook Bentley/Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock