~

*Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.

~

So, while it’s great to think that we can all be completely open and honest about our likes and dislikes in the bedroom, certain things just aren’t always so easy to say.

While there will be many men, millions even, who may already know all there is to know about sex…there seems to be quite a few who clearly don’t.

So here’s the list of things that, generally speaking, many women (not all) wish many men (not all) knew about sex.

Instead of having those slightly awkward conversations, we can just leave this screen open on our laptops, or share to our Facebook pages so that men will very subtly find out some of the things that we’ve been dying to tell them….

Women like to warm up. Women are sensual creatures and sex for a female starts in the mind long before it starts in the body. Seduce her mind first. Women can take a little longer than men to get fired up—apparently it takes a woman around 15 minutes to really get in the mood.

Take it slow. Allow the female time to fully arouse so that she is turned on and lubricated before penetration. This is the whole intention of foreplay, to build the anticipation and prepare females (and of course men) for sex. Some men (and some women) like to skip this part when in the heat of the moment, but a lot of women need that warming up to enable them to enjoy making love and also so that they are able to achieve an explosive orgasm.

Kiss her. Kissing is one way to create and maintain the love as the feel good chemicals are released when we touch lips. We often kiss our partners the way we like to be kissed and can forget that they have a preference too. Lead and then follow. Take turns between kissing the way you like to be kissed and then slow right down and allow her to show you how she likes to kiss. Then mix it up between the two. Kissing alone can be enough to reach an orgasm, indulge in it.

Ego. Leave the ego outside the bedroom door. We don’t want to make love with someone who is checking himself out in the mirror to see if his position is accurate or whether his hair still is in place. We also won’t be enjoying sex if you’re more conscious about whether you are doing things right or wrong.

Hint: When two people respect one another and have the same intention to create the maximum amount of sexual fulfillment without being self-conscious, there is no right or wrong. Just enjoy it, remain in the present moment and let yourself go. Sex is supposed to be fun as well as pleasurable.

Keep it light. Don’t be offended if she says that something isn’t enjoyable or she’d rather not participate in what you have offered. It doesn’t mean she’s not into you, it’s just, we’re all different and all have our own preferences in the bedroom. Don’t feel rejected or make things awkward, just try an alternative option.

G-spots. Women (and men) have erogenous zones all over their body. Don’t focus all of the attention on the genitals. And when you are focusing on the genitals, don’t leave out the clitoris. Penetration alone is not what will make most women orgasm, the clitoris’ only function is for pleasure, take the time to get to know it and notice the sensations that are created for your partner when you touch the exact spot.

Balls. We know they’re extremely sensitive and you like them being played with…but we don’t always know what you want us to do with them. Everyone’s different—tell us, show us, enlighten us.

Sex toys. They’re not the competition. We don’t compare size or hardness between a toy and the real thing. There’s no need to feel envious or insecure when you find out we have a little collection or we introduce an added bit of fun to the bedroom.

Dressing Up. Dressing up in the bedroom can add a whole new dimension to sex and it shouldn’t just be left to females to make an extra effort. If this is something you haven’t already explored, think about purchasing some sexy underwear and maybe dress up for her before sex and slowly peel away your clothes to reveal what’s underneath. Or, purchase a surprise gift for the woman in your life and add a little adventure when making love. Again, it might not be for everyone, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Communicate. While not everyone will appreciate sex-talk there is something extremely erotic about whispering in our ears about how you are feeling and what you want to do to us or what you would like done to you. It’s not everyone’s favorite thing and can feel a little intimidating at first, but try it, words are aphrodisiacs and millions of women (and men) find it a huge turn on.

Stay fresh. If you want a woman to go down on you, make sure you’ve showered and are fresh down below. Also, not all women like you to take control of her head while she is down there. It’s no fun choking and spluttering and you definitely won’t be enjoying it if we start heaving on you. Allow the woman to decide how deep and for how long she pleasures you.

Penis size. And though it may come as a surprise, women care far less about penis size than you may realize. As long as there is plenty of passion and there is sexual chemistry, she will be so caught up in the moment she probably won’t even notice your size. In fact, research shows that due to the location of a woman’s G spot, the smaller the penis the better when penetrating that area. Plus, women are less likely to orgasm through penetration and more likely to orgasm when you use your fingers or dedicate time and attention to oral sex.

Morning sex. Due to varying levels of hormones women are generally more sexual at night and men more so in the morning. When you wake us at 7 a.m. we’re not always feeling the same desire to play around as you are. We’re sleepy. Take it slow, it’s a possibility, but don’t be offended if she doesn’t get aroused and it’s just not happening in the morning.

Trim. It’s well known that women generally keep their areas neat and tidy. Whilst not all women will care a lot about this, many women would appreciate just keeping it tidy down there so that when indulging in oral sex we don’t end up swallowing or trying to locate a stray hair from our mouths. We’re not asking for major changes, just keep it tidy and under a little bit of control.

Protect both of you. She might be on the pill or be taking precautions to avoid pregnancy, but it is up to you to be responsible enough to wear protection. At least until you’re fully monogamous and committed and there’s no risk of anything happening that may be unwanted, pregnancy or otherwise.

Stay present. There is something very off putting about having sex with someone whose mind is not fully engaged. Leave all the rubbish of the day behind and focus all your attention on the woman in your arms. We feel it if your mind wanders, so keep nudging your mind back to the present moment and notice how it heightens the sensations for both you and your partner.

P.S. Sometimes we really do have a headache or are tired. And sometimes we have had a stressful day and we’re just not in the mood. Snuggling can be just as enjoyable as sex and there’s a possibility it may even lead to sex. But, it is extremely frustrating when we want to curl into you for some cuddle time and you automatically think that’s an open door to sex. We’re not as complex as it sounds, just listen to what we are saying and notice and respect how we feel.

Oh, and no means no. Always.

One more thing, when it’s over please try not to roll over and fall straight to sleep. A lot of women take a little longer to relax fully after an orgasm. Caress and whisper sweet nothings (even if it’s just for a few moments) and then feel free to drift to sleep.

We’re really not as high maintenance or demanding as it sounds. We love sex as much as you do and we want to enjoy it as much too. Our bodies are different, our biological needs are different, we just need to remember that and listen up to what it is the other one wants.

And lastly, try and ejaculate last. Unless of course, you are willing to spend some time to help her reach orgasm after you have had your pleasure. Whilst she won’t mind once in a while, and yes, it’s the journey and not the destination that counts, please understand how it would feel if each time you had sex a woman cut it short just as you were about to climax.

If there are any other things other women (or men) would like to add to the list, please feel free to add in the comments below.

Very last note: Dear Men, us women would love to hear what you want us women to know about sex. At a guess, the list might be quite long…

“Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place. The greatest pleasure isn’t sex, but the passion with which it is practiced. When the passion is intense, then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principal aim.” ~ Paulo Coelho

~

Relephant:

How To Experience An Orgasmic Kiss. {Adult}

~

Author: Alex Myles

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Flickr/Stuart Conner