“Shhhhh,” I said to myself. “Just listen for a minute, dear.”

For today, I needed to put the old self-improvement project on pause. I woke up grumpy, achy and tired. It was winter and perhaps it was the continual grey skies outside my window that seemed to echo to me the movie ground hog day. Or perhaps it was the busy week I had. Whatever it was, I woke up this morning not feeling happy with the person I was.

I was too tired. I was too slow. I had eaten too much for dinner last night. I wasn’t loving enough to my friend earlier. I didn’t mediate when I got up this morning, I went and made coffee first thing instead. I forgot to brush my teeth and now my mouth was filmy. I tripped over the tea cup I had left on the floor and one sock was completely wet. I didn’t do laundry on the weekend and so today I had no clean underwear. I hadn’t heard back from my boss about my raise. And…

I wasn’t perfect. F*ck.

This was not the news that my mind wanted to bear witness to. I liked it when things were just right. I especially liked it when I was just right. When I was in a certain sparkly flow, surrounded by a lovely halo of pizzaz and life was reflecting back to me my certain brilliance. This was when my head would shout, “heck, yeah!”

However, today was not one of those days that was going to make my mind happy. Today was a day when I noticed how attached I was to feeling good, because I felt the opposite. Today was a day when I noticed how perfect I expected myself to be, because of how disappointed I felt that I wasn’t quite there.

Apparently, I had a wee perfection obsession.

This was not the first time I had noticed my neurosis and I realized (from prior experience) that I could choose to move with this moody cloud of despair, feeling not good enough, bopping myself over the head with the things I hadn’t been or done yet, or I could try to lighten up and find a way to make all this and all of me, okay.

Even though I was feeling off, I still deserved to know I was a fine person, worthy of kindness and appreciation. I decided to give myself permission to be the person I was today and not the one I hoped to become tomorrow. I told myself whatever message my head needed to receive from my heart in order to do this, I would relay.

This perfectionism needed to take a hike and I think I knew the three words that were powerful enough to do it.

It was just then that I began to hear a story. It was as if I could see myself right now but through the eyes of my own tender heart. These are the words I heard my heart whisper to my head:

“Even though your mind searches for something to fix,

 I love you.

Even though your soul yearns for something to ache over,

 I love you.

Even though your emotions spill out over your edges,

 I love you.

Even though your body is achy and sore,

 I love you.

Even though some mornings you are not sure you are big enough to handle the day,

 I love you.

Shhhh,

Just listen for a minute, dear.

Lay down your head, your missions and your callings.

 I love you.

And, one day,

you will see that this loving of you,

was completely enough.

Shhhhh. Listen.

I love you.”

Some days, to be satisfied with the person I am currently and not the one I hope to become is a revolutionary act. Even though reaching into the future for perfection and joy is what we are taught from a young age, I have had a sneaking suspicion for a while now that this isn’t where I will find it. If telling myself three words can stop the mind’s habitual pattern of wanting something different, I can do that.

I deserve to feel like enough, right here, right now, one wet sock, one filmy mouth, a continual ground hog day and all. I deserve this simply because my heart has said: I love you.

Relephant Read:

The Best Affirmation for our Self-Love Journey.

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Author: Sarah Norrad

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Charlotte Astrid on Flickr 

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